EASTENDERS

FRIEND WITHOUT BENEFIT

There’s a combination of traits in a man that turn him into a crushing bore. He’s a salt o’ the Urff type, prone to banter, and a real wind-up merchant. He’s the one you don’t want to get stuck with in the pub when his opening sentence is ‘You’re gonna laugh at this’ (a preamble to something not remotely funny). Men like Mick and Stuart (pictured). It’s no acci- dent the two are old friends and when Stuart asks his mate to help him, Mick is intrigued (as much as Mick can be intrigued by anything; don’t expect a change of facial expression). With Stuart denying he’s a vigilante, will Mick help him when his friend reveals something from his past (that old chestnut)?

Unbelievably, there’s yet another Who Stole The Money? storyline when Patrick discovers Ted never received the money he sent him for Joyce’s funeral. What is this obsession with missing cash? Did the producer have his piggy bank nicked as a kid? Was he deprived of chocolate coins at Christmas? Suspecting the Taylors, Ted confronts them, and Bernie figures out that Mitch was the thief. Who cares?

Max and Rainie need character references to support their custody battle. He has no luck with Masood but strikes a deal with Karen. Seriously? That’s as morally ludicrous as asking Fagin to babysit your son. Luckily (for Max), she refuses when she finds out what it’s for, so he tries Carmel. Another no. Rainie suggests Stacey could be perfect, but do Max and she have too much history?