CORONATION STREET

Kids! Who’d have ’em? In soapland, they cause a lot of problems – it’s probably the best advert for not procreating. Corrie is dealing with the fallout from Eva’s baby revelation, Max and Rainie are locked in a custody battle for baby Abi in EastEnders, and Chas is debating whether to abort her baby in Emmerdale.

Life doesn’t get much better with advancing years. As the youngsters grow older, there’s still little joy for the poor parents. Emmerdale’s Lachlan is the devil’s spawn, and Corrie’s Hope isn’t far behind (they should just rename her Hopeless and have done with it). Still, given that her father was kidnapper and killer John Stape, maybe that was inevitable.

It’s too early to say how Corrie’s Harry will turn out, as he appears to have disappeared. With everything going on in the Platt household, there hasn’t been time to think about things like feeding small children. Maybe he was banished to a ‘naughty step’ and forgotten about. Likewise, Jake. Or maybe there’s been a Weatherfield Child Boot Sale that we’ve missed. Children should be seen and not heard? Sometimes, being seen is a miracle.

DEEP TROUBLE

When will Eva understand that when you’re in a hole, you should stop digging? With her and Toyah’s lies exposed, you’d think she would learn her lesson. But no. When Johnny starts custody proceedings, she turns to Adam (pictured with Eva and Susie) who fakes a DNA report stating he is Susie’s father. This is taking a whacking great JCB to a hole already as deep as a mine shaft. Surely Eva isn’t so dumb as to go along with it, is she? Actually, forget that; it’s a really silly question.

It would be good news for Jenny, who does not take well to Johnny wanting the baby. Poor

Jenny. She can’t seem to do or say anything right. And it’s not going to get any better with Liz lurking in the wings. The kiss between her and Johnny was inevitable, although quite how he managed to get close to her new black panda eyes is anybody’s guess; you’d need an ice-pick to get that eyeliner off at bedtime.

There’s something in the air as romance is on the cards for Craig and Kayla, who meet up in Speed Daal (don’t start counting the lentils, Craig). Abi is after a man, too, to impress social services and get her twins back. But after a disastrous date with Tyrone and a disappointing meeting, she reverts to her old ways.