CORONATION STREET

Are the soaps trying to outdo each other for being the most violent? They used to compete for the most times a man could get his kit off – emerging from the shower with a towel draped around his waist being the most popular (oh, half- dressed Aidan, why oh why did you have to die?).

Now, with ever-increasing levels of violence, the stakes are permanently upped. Despite Phelan’s stint in Corrie, and the other Aidan’s rule of terror (laughable as it was) in EastEnders, it’s still Emmerdale leading the field in murders, kidnappings et al.

The show has abandoned its obsession with guns and car boot kidnappings for now (don’t hold your breath; they’ll be back) in favour of head bashings. Last week, we saw killer Lachlan raising a stone to Freddy’s skull (the Rocky Horror Show); this week, it’s two skulls under threat. Maybe the producer had a migraine and wanted everyone to suffer in the same way, albeit by proxy.

I’m not squeamish, but the violence is out of hand. How can I get it into the producers’ skulls that we want more laughs? Now, where did I put that crowbar?

DOUBLE TROUBLE

You wait for ages for a proposal to come along and then two do at once. Daniel has grown on me, so much so that I want to scream it from the rooftops that he should... well, throw Sinead from the rooftops. The idea that this well educated man would fall for the NBD (Nice But Dim) whiner is absurd – no, I take that back. Insane. It’s all Flora’s fault, when she goes into her jewellery box, retrieves her mother’s engagement ring and tells Daniel he should propose to Sinead (inset). ‘Noooo,’ we scream from the stalls (and rooftops)! Caught in the moment, Steve finds himself telling Tracy he

loves her and inadvertently proposes too. Tracy (pictured with Steve) accepts (don’t look so glum, Steve; you so got the better deal).

The aftermath of Babygate continues with Toyah luring Peter to the pub to discuss its sale (at last!), but secretly arranging for a counsellor to be there to help salvage their relationship. Brilliant! A failing marriage, an alcoholic landlord, and a quickly drafted in therapist. What could possibly go wrong?

And Liz – zip it! First you blurted all to Moira (love her!) about Johnny; now you spill the beans to Mike (Keep him in the show! He’s great! Liz doesn’t want him? Many others do).