SOAP WATCH

One difference between real life and soapland (in addition to the disproportionate number of serial killers in the latter, obviously) is the speed with which sworn enemies make up. While most of us hold grudges for years, swearing undying hate for our enemies, soap characters who have gone through the mill (and, in a lot of cases, under it and over it, too) are capable of sublime acts of forgiveness.

Take Corrie’s Steve and Leanne: one of their screaming matches could drown out an FA Cup final. Yet since Oliver’s tragic diagnosis, they have united in their grief. Please don’t tell me they are going to get so close again that they sleep together and Leanne has yet another ‘accidental’ pregnancy.

Emmerdale’s Charity and Cain blew so hot and cold that you never knew whether to reach for a duvet or a pack of ice when they were having a humdinger. More recently, Mandy’s fury at Paul coming back into her life quickly turned to affection.

As for the Eastenders… well, you can sleep with your brother’s wife, shoot your mate, and all will be forgiven. It’s ’cos it’s fairm-ly, innit?

■ TOP O’ THE MORNIN’ TO YER!

Producers find ingenious ways for characters to take their clothes off, but emerging from the shower with a towel wrapped around one’s waist is one of Corrie’s more popular ones when they become bizarrely obsessed with showing off men’s torsos. The latest ploy is for Chesney to emerge half naked, claiming that one of the quads has been sick over his shirt. The idea that this wouldn’t have happened before is preposterous, but maybe in these days of social distancing (how is anyone managing to hear anyone? They look as if they’re

LAUGH-ALOUD MOMENT ‘You think you’re that woman with that typewriter… Angela Lansbury.’ Tim to Sally, Corrie

OLDEST NEWS ‘I’m pathetic.’ Maria to Gary, Corrie

in the next town half the time), the show is trying to stimulate our interest in other ways. What Chesney hasn’t bargained for is Gemma being on her live vlog when he appears (pictured), and he fears he will be a laughing stock. Come on, he’s used to that by now, surely.

The million-dollar lurrrrv question is whether Gary and Sarah still have feelings for each other. As Carla and Emma help an excited Maria plan for her wedding, is she heading for another fall? A lemming conference at the white cliffs of Dover couldn’t endure as many falls as she has.