SOAP

Where is the banana bread? While thousands developed major culinary skills during lockdown, this enthusiasm for baking appears to have passed soapland by; they haven’t even taken the opportunity to acquire healthier eating habits. In Eastenders’ café, there is no demand for the vegetarian breakfast (has anyone ever ordered it?), and there’s no queue at the Walford Wholefoods stall. How are they even in business?

Corrie’s Speed Daal is the healthiest eatery in soapland, but the Bistro could be if any of the chefs ever remembered to buy veg – well, if the place ever remembered to hire any chefs is closer to the mark. But then because of social distancing and changing government guidelines, it looks as if eating with large groups is going to be a problem for the foreseeable future. The only evidence we now have that people aren’t starving to death is a character washing up after an alleged meal.

What on earth is Emmerdale going to do for a wake after Annie’s funeral this week? While the rules about gatherings keep changing, we can expect socially distanced vol-au-vents for some time yet.

BUDDING ROMANCE

‘I find the man overbearing, odious and downright obnoxious.’

Mary to Emma, about George, Corrie SHORTEST VENTURE

‘I can pick your brains.’

Adam to Daniel, Corrie

■ THE WANDERER RETURNS

Kat has previously warned Ruby that if Stacey were around, Martin would not give her the time of day (Ruby, not Stacey – keep up!). He really can pick ’em and he’s none too pleased when Stacey (pictured with Martin) turns up again, even though she says she won’t be hanging around. Ruby, however, wants Stacey to stay so that Martin can see the kids (er, would that be the kids that no one has even noticed are missing?). Does Martin still have feelings for his ex? That’s what Ruby wants to know, so he suggests they get away on a break. Don’t

get excited, Ruby; Martin’s idea of a romantic getaway doesn’t stretch to more than a day trip to Brick Lane to check out the competitors’ price of apples.

The new slimline Ian – let’s call him Ian Lite, for convenience’s sake – tells Sharon he plans to pay Max back (in a good way, financially, not the usual Off with his head! kind of way that Max normally attracts). He also apologises profusely for taking out his financial problems on her. I wouldn’t worry. Between the false eyelashes and recent tears, she can barely see her toothbrush in the morning, let alone the accounts.

10 YEARS AGO – EASTENDERS

Kat and Alfie Moon were back in Walford, fleeing from a man they’d conned. Kat told the Slaters that while Alfie was serving time in prison, she had an affair with Alfie’s cousin Michael (pictured with Kat) and was pregnant by him.

15 YEARS AGO – EMMERDALE

After being found not guilty for the attempted murder of Scott Windsor, Zoe Tate (pictured in court) left Emmerdale in really spectacular fashion – by blowing up Home Farm and watching the explosion as she drove away.

20 YEARS AGO – CORRIE

The vendetta of gangster Jez Quigley (pictured) against Steve Mcdonald had ended up with him in hospital, having been badly beaten by Steve’s dad Jim. Jez still managed to attack Steve, before suddenly collapsing and dying from his injuries.

Sadie King in Emmerdale, is put to the test on Pointless Celebrities (tonight, 8.40pm, BBC1)