SOAP

The changing coronavirus rules in real life continue to wreak havoc on soapland’s hostelries. Where pubs were once packed, now there are never more than a handful of people in them. You have to feel sorry for people who make their living as extras. There was only one in Corrie’s Viaduct Bistro yesterday, socially distanced from Gary and Ray and with his back to camera. In fact, he might as well have been a mannequin for all the movement he made.

The pub was very strange, with Gary coming in with a mask, and Ray and Jenny without one, while Johnny was the only person in Roy’s Rolls wearing one. As for Speed Daal, the staff continue to outnumber the customers by three to one – actually, make that three to none – but then it’s never been that different.

The Queen Vic in Eastenders looks emptier than the set of Waiting For Godot, and Emmerdale’s coffee shop is now outdoing the Woolpack in terms of human traffic.

Will it ever end? That’s pretty much what everyone asks during Waiting For Godot, by the way.

SECRETS AND LIES ALERT

‘I don’t want any more secrets or lies.’

Maria to Gary, Corrie FRONTAL LOBOTOMY TIME?

‘You’re a smart guy, Gary.’

Ray, Corrie

■ YOU’VE GOT (BAD) MAIL

Many unsavoury things have been posted through the locals’ letterboxes, but Stacey is not prepared for the latest one that pops onto the mat (clue: it’s not a complimentary ticket to a local spa). Confiding in Kush (pictured, with Stacey), she assumes Ruby is behind the delivery; he assumes it’s a warning about his debts. Whichever it turns out to be, it’s another excuse for Our Stace to don one of her distressed faces, like a rabbit finding that Tesco has just sold its last carrot.

There is worse to come when, en route to confront Ruby, Stacey is attacked. This leads

to a rather bizarre series of events clearly destined to create a whole new set of problems. Fear not, though; no rabbits have been harmed in the making of these episodes.

Callum is another one with a permanent look of worry about him; it’s inconceivable that Phil wouldn’t have picked up on it. Callum looks shiftier than Judas leaving a bank carrying 30 pieces of silver, and it’s likely to get a lot worse with DI Thompson on his back.

At least Sharon and Ian make up after weeks of aggro. Please tell me that doesn’t mean what it usually does. Two rabbits.

10 YEARS AGO – EASTENDERS

Carol Jackson (pictured) was devastated when her son Billie was found dead on the sofa at home. She’d left for work assuming Billie was just asleep after a boozy party the night before, but then she received a call telling her the horrific news.

15 YEARS AGO – EMMERDALE

It was Max King’s funeral – he’d died after a car crash which had resulted from a row between brothers Andy and Robert Sugden. After the ceremony, Max’s griefstricken father Tom (pictured) stormed over to Butler’s

Farm to evict the Sugdens.

20 YEARS AGO – CORRIE

Two gunmen took locals hostage during a robbery at Freshco supermarket. Ken Barlow and Mike Baldwin were tied up in the storeroom (pictured), and Mike suffered a heart attack. One robber, Dean Sykes, was shot dead when the police burst in.

Middleton in Corrie – plays a high-class madam in the new series of Harlots (Wed, 9pm, BBC2)