SOAP WATCH

Despite the cold weather, soapland folk have still not opened their winter wardrobes. Even Corrie’s Gail, who you could once guarantee would be in polo neck sweaters in a heatwave, has opted for lighter garb. Jackets and coats are left undone, and you can forget scarves and gloves. Maybe the huge variety of masks in Weatherfield has eaten up the costume budget.

It’s the same in Eastenders, although Max occasionally dons his ginormous beret that makes him look like an overdressed French onion seller. Linda is always kitted out for a summer garden party, while Frankie is too busy storming in and out of places to remember whether she had a coat in the first place, let alone have the sense to put it on.

It’s Emmerdale you feel most sorry for during these times; there always seems to be more wind and rain there, and the locals have an inexplicable desire to have their most significant, long conversations in the middle of the village – outside. Whether you are leaving the pub, the shop or your home, rest assured you’ll run into someone whose sole job it is to help you freeze to death.

Fleeces for everyone all round, please.