CORONATION STREET

PLEASE, PARK THE ISSUE

Some storylines make you long for hibernation: going to sleep and, weeks later, waking to the joy that they are over. Anything to do with Dev and the golf club is a contender; likewise, anything involving Michael and Grace (be warned: there’s a ton of that again thiszzzzzzz week). But leading the field at present is the Street’s parking issue. Furious upon discovering Liam’s asthma has been caused by air pollution from traffic fumes, Maria takes matters into her own hands and attacks Underworld’s van (pictured).

It’s hard to believe the van is responsible for the pollution, as it never goes anywhere, because there are never any orders going out. Locals are more likely to be affected by the fumes from Carla’s red wine breath.

Tommy Orpington rears his head again as he’s been lined up as a character witness for Corey, and there are problems for the trial when Corey’s name is leaked on Tommy’s fansite. Eh? How many fans does he have? About five, tops – and four of them are in the Street. Can anyone name one other player in the team (apart from James, who has been touted as Tommy’s star successor. Yeah, right!)? Small wonder no one has mentioned the start of the football season; there aren’t any players. If there were, you can bet your bottom dollar Daisy would have handcuffed herself to at least one. And given that Tommy is about as articulate as a stoat, I’m not optimistic about his performance on the stand.