Nathan’s KO’D... whodunnit?

CORONATION STREET

Does anyone really care that Lauren is missing? She was hardly a legend of the cobbles, and more time has been devoted to her ‘murder’ than Jack the Ripper’s Whitechapel killing spree. Now Bethany’s in on the tedious act, convinced that Nathan had something to do with Lauren’s disappearance. Intent on tracking down Nathan’s girlfriend, who is his alibi, she and Daniel are confronted in the street by Nathan, who accuses Bethany of harassing said girlfriend. Who will take action to ensure that Bethany’s life isn’t ruined all over again? And who is the hooded figure

who later attacks Nathan, knocking him unconscious? Doubtless another job for DS Swain, Weatherfield’s answer to Trumpton’s Policeman Potter. If only she spent as much time watching true crime on the telly as she clearly does in front of the mirror, doing her hair.

Toyah is also playing detective and starts to investigate ex-members of the Altovalent Institute. Leanne is dismissive when Toyah finds evidence that the Institute is not to be trusted and eagerly takes up Rowan’s offer of a tour when he’s promoted to head of the North-west division.

Toyah may be a trained counsellor, but I’d pick the Institute over her ramblings any day. She’s conducted sessions in Speed Daal, for goodness’ sake, and is always dishing out advice to people in the Rovers. It’s clear the stall is being laid out for her to have an affair with Nick. Physician, heal thyself! And stop smirking (yes, she’s still at it after all these years. You could tell her she had five minutes to live and she still wouldn’t be able to keep the grin off her face).

Bernie, it transpires, had another son called Zodiac (Zac for short) and is now determined to track him down under his changed name, Christopher Green. Doesn’t she have enough kids around with Paul, Gemma, the quads and Joseph? True, she’ll soon be losing Paul, but it’s not a Swap Shop. Paul has his last meal before the fitting of his feeding tube, by the way – should you be craving any more misery.

Nathan (right) confronts Bethany and Daniel and (inset) is knocked down