DAVID Cameron criticised Gordon Brown as ‘a Prime Minister who talks about restoring the authority of Parliament but is still going around making policy announcements on the radio’. True enough, but who’s he to talk? His coalition has leaked the Queen’s Speech, an announcement on specific spending cuts and now Andrew Lansley’s health reforms before airing them in Parliament. Guy Fawkes might as well have blown the place up for all its relevance now. THE diaries of Labour mouthpiece Alastair Campbell reveal his Likely Lads relationship with Tony Blair, with whom he is pictured in 2001. The pair salivate over an attractive woman journalist, but apologise to Margaret Beckett. Mrs B: ‘No, not at all, I quite understand.’ In Yorkshire, ‘TB and I had a little lapse into teenager mode as we looked forward to seeing the blonde barmaid again at the Saddleworth Hotel.’ But they’re not so keen on the BBC’s Sue Lawley: ‘I didn’t take to her at all, and I could tell that TB didn’t either. She felt like a Tory to me. She had very spindly legs and a brittle smile that looked like it would disappear as fast as she put it there.’ Later, ‘TB was doing an interview with David Baddiel at Millbank... Ulrika Jonsson was doing Major for the same series. TB said to Baddiel, “how come I get you, and Major gets Ulrika?”’ It almost restores their humanity. THE New Statesman magazine is trying to cheer up Labour MPs by offering them ‘beautiful bespoke suits at HALF PRICE…’ Claiming they’re worth £750, they’re now touted for ‘an incredible £375’. Is Labour seeking its salvation in suits? Their putative new leader, oddball David Miliband – suits you, sir! – has fixed up a £1,400 discount for himself for two suits from showbiz tailor Ozwald Boateng. Funny if it wasn’t so tragic. PROFESSOR Jonathan Jones of the Sainsbury Laboratory (Frankenstein Foods plc!?!) blethers in favour of genetically modified potatoes, saying: ‘We need all the tools in the toolbox to cope with the perfect storm of having to produce a lot more food with less water.’ Tip: Avoid such cliches like the plague, Prof! THE Swiss firm Cabestan has produced the Scuderia Ferrari One, pictured, a hideous-looking wristwatch available only to owners of the famous Italian motor car but costing £250,000 – £30,000 more than the most expensive model, the 200mph 612 Scaglietti F1A. Can there be enough rich, Ferrari-owning halfwits to justify this investment? BP’s Tony Hayward takes his punishment like a man for the Gulf of Mexico oil spill. But when America’s Union Carbide was responsible, in 1984, for the Bhopal gas explosion, which killed more than 20,000 Indians, and destroyed the health of more than 500,000, the U.S. government arranged for its chief executive, Warren Anderson, to skip out of India, never to return. What creeps they are.