Ephraim Hard­cas­tle

Daily Mail - - sandra Parsons - E-mail: ephraim.hard­cas­tle@dai­ly­mail.co.uk

DAVID Cameron crit­i­cised Gor­don Brown as ‘a Prime Min­is­ter who talks about restor­ing the author­ity of Par­lia­ment but is still go­ing around mak­ing pol­icy an­nounce­ments on the ra­dio’. True enough, but who’s he to talk? His coali­tion has leaked the Queen’s Speech, an an­nounce­ment on spe­cific spend­ing cuts and now An­drew Lans­ley’s health re­forms be­fore air­ing them in Par­lia­ment. Guy Fawkes might as well have blown the place up for all its rel­e­vance now. THE di­aries of Labour mouth­piece Alastair Camp­bell re­veal his Likely Lads re­la­tion­ship with Tony Blair, with whom he is pic­tured in 2001. The pair sali­vate over an at­trac­tive woman jour­nal­ist, but apol­o­gise to Mar­garet Beck­ett. Mrs B: ‘No, not at all, I quite un­der­stand.’ In York­shire, ‘TB and I had a lit­tle lapse into teenager mode as we looked for­ward to see­ing the blonde bar­maid again at the Sad­dle­worth Ho­tel.’ But they’re not so keen on the BBC’s Sue Lawley: ‘I didn’t take to her at all, and I could tell that TB didn’t ei­ther. She felt like a Tory to me. She had very spindly legs and a brit­tle smile that looked like it would dis­ap­pear as fast as she put it there.’ Later, ‘TB was do­ing an in­ter­view with David Bad­diel at Mill­bank... Ul­rika Jon­s­son was do­ing Ma­jor for the same se­ries. TB said to Bad­diel, “how come I get you, and Ma­jor gets Ul­rika?”’ It al­most re­stores their hu­man­ity. THE New States­man mag­a­zine is try­ing to cheer up Labour MPs by of­fer­ing them ‘beau­ti­ful be­spoke suits at HALF PRICE…’ Claim­ing they’re worth £750, they’re now touted for ‘an in­cred­i­ble £375’. Is Labour seek­ing its sal­va­tion in suits? Their pu­ta­tive new leader, odd­ball David Miliband – suits you, sir! – has fixed up a £1,400 dis­count for him­self for two suits from show­biz tai­lor Ozwald Boateng. Funny if it wasn’t so tragic. PRO­FES­SOR Jonathan Jones of the Sains­bury Lab­o­ra­tory (Franken­stein Foods plc!?!) blethers in favour of ge­net­i­cally mod­i­fied pota­toes, say­ing: ‘We need all the tools in the tool­box to cope with the per­fect storm of hav­ing to pro­duce a lot more food with less wa­ter.’ Tip: Avoid such cliches like the plague, Prof! THE Swiss firm Cabestan has pro­duced the Scud­e­ria Fer­rari One, pic­tured, a hideous-look­ing wrist­watch avail­able only to own­ers of the fa­mous Ital­ian mo­tor car but cost­ing £250,000 – £30,000 more than the most ex­pen­sive model, the 200mph 612 Scagli­etti F1A. Can there be enough rich, Fer­rari-own­ing halfwits to jus­tify this in­vest­ment? BP’s Tony Hay­ward takes his pun­ish­ment like a man for the Gulf of Mex­ico oil spill. But when Amer­ica’s Union Car­bide was re­spon­si­ble, in 1984, for the Bhopal gas ex­plo­sion, which killed more than 20,000 In­di­ans, and de­stroyed the health of more than 500,000, the U.S. govern­ment ar­ranged for its chief ex­ec­u­tive, War­ren An­der­son, to skip out of In­dia, never to re­turn. What creeps they are.

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