JONATHAN CAINER

THE asteroid belt was discovered in the early 19th century. First, they found Ceres, then Pallas, Juno and Vesta. It took a while to work out that these were too small to be planets, that they were all at roughly the same distance from the Sun and there were several hundred thousand other small pieces of space rock in much the same orbit. These days, most astronomers consider them as bits of raw material that never quite merged into one planet. I’m inclined to wonder if they’re the flotsam and jetsam left behind after an explosion or a collision.

ARIES TO BE born under Aries

Mar 21 — Apr 20 is to be a fighter. So say the textbooks, conjuring up an image of a great movie warrior like Bruce Lee. But you are more like Jackie Chan (who actually is an Aries). Where Lee relies on grace, poise and power, Chan defends (and attacks) with humour and if you are going to have that in your armoury, you have to be willing to take the biggest risk of all. He doesn’t care if he looks foolish as long as he makes people laugh — and he wins. Don’t let pride slow you down today. I’ve crammed all you need to know about April into your new four-minute forecast. For advice that helps you make it a magical month, call 0906 751 5601. TAURUS YOU can’t be

Apr 21 — May 21 ruthless, reckless, cavalier or crazy. You must proceed with dignity, decorum and diplomacy. It is, though, one thing to proceed at a sensible pace and another to decide that you will retreat, simply because you do not feel able to advance fast enough. There is something you want. Currently, it’s doubtful whether you can have it. One thing we know about the moment, though, is that it will soon become the past. The future looks set to be much friendlier

towards you than you think it intends to be. I’ve got lots to tell you about April — and you’re going to like it. Do yourself a favour. Call your new four-minute forecast: 0906 751 5602.

GEMINI May 22 — June 22 WHAT’S going to happen during the rest of your day? Well, first you are going to finish reading this forecast and then... let’s stop right here. If you prove me wrong by turning to another page, you can assert power. Things don’t have to turn out as other people expect them to. Nothing is set in stone unless we choose to believe that it is and thus deny ourselves the right to choose. Well, you haven’t managed to stop reading this before the end but that still doesn’t mean everything else is a foregone conclusion. NEW! Your four-minute forecast for the whole of April. Don’t miss your good news. Call 0906 751 5603. CANCER HAVE you an

June 23 — July 23 arch-enemy, busily plotting your downfall? How about an army of supporters? In reality, there is nothing quite so dramatic going on. One or two people may not be pleased with you and there may be several others who think the world of you, but life is not a movie and you are not the star of some grandiose drama. Try to remember that today, as you find yourself being observed and perhaps even judged by those around you. Don’t read too much into whatever

they seem to be reading into you. If you’d like a reason to smile, call your new four-minute forecast. I’ve crammed it with good news about what awaits you in April. Call 0906 751 5604.

LEO July 24 — Aug 23 JUST imagine if your chair had a meter attached to it and you were being charged for every hour you sat on it! None of us likes to feel under financial pressure. Nor do we enjoy needing to watch the clock. Yet, in one way, our very existence is metered. We all have a limited amount of time on this planet and we may yet be called to account for our actions at any moment. It is not money that now matters in your life, it is meaning. Find more of that and you will yet satisfy every demand. I’ve crammed all you need to know about April into your new fourminute forecast. For advice that helps you make it a magical month, call 0906 751 5605. VIRGO CAN YOU remember

Aug 24 — Sep 23 where you were before you came to this planet? That’s strange; I can’t either! It seems none of us can. Just fancy that. Nearly seven billion people with significant gaps in their memories. Every single one of us was once a baby. We must have known something back then about the world on the other side of the veil. Don’t worry too much about the questions you can’t easily answer. Life is full of such things, but experience ought to teach us all that the unknown is rarely anything that we need to fear. I’ve got lots to tell you about April — and you’re going to like it. Do yourself a favour. Call your new four-minute forecast: 0906 751 5606.

LIBRA

‘I AM the greatest.’ Sep 24 — Oct 23

That was the catchphrase of a legendary boxer. He used to chant this just before he went into the ring — and it certainly didn’t impede his progress. Indeed, we can only wonder just how many fights he would have won if he had gone into battle mumbling: ‘There is quite a lot about me that is not so great after all.’ Self-belief is not the be-all and end-all of success but it is a contributory factor. So now, here’s a question. Are you the greatest? In your own way, in your own sector of the world you are. NEW! Your four-minute forecast for the whole of April. Don’t miss your good news. Call 0906 751 5607. SCORPIO THERE is nothing

Oct 24 — Nov 22 wrong with being a small cog in some great machine, as long as you are happy that you are serving a useful function and that the wheels are turning in a way that will benefit you. But why should you participate in a process that has the potential to undermine your own strength or to compromise your future wellbeing? You are coming under pressure to get more involved in a drama that someone else takes very seriously. That is not a good enough reason to sacrifice your autonomy. If you’d like a reason to smile, call your new four-minute forecast. I’ve crammed it with good news about what awaits you in April. Call 0906 751 5608.

SAGITTARIUS THE world Nov 23 — Dec 21

is full of beer and wine. It seems everywhere we look there are people selling it, drinking it or recovering from it. Even for those who are teetotal and have sworn a life of sobriety, there is still a yearning for intoxication. Alcohol is not the only thing we can use to get ourselves feeling a little giddy. Ideas and emotions can also alter our moods. Neptune and Jupiter are making you feel just a little drunk. Remember to stop before you go too far. I’ve crammed all you need to know about April into your new fourminute forecast. For advice that helps you make it a magical month, call 0906 751 5609.

CAPRICORN Dec 22 — Jan 20 THEY say: ‘If you don’t ask, you don’t get.’ That may be true — but, sometimes, if you do ask, you don’t get what you would have got if you hadn’t asked. To ask is to invite an answer. To request a ruling. To demand a definitive decision. Many arrangements muddle along quite nicely, simply because they have not ever come under the scrutiny of an official with the power to grant permission. If something seems to be working reasonably well in your world, why spoil it by seeking confirmation? I’ve got lots to tell you about April — and you’re going to like it. Do yourself a favour. Call your new four-minute forecast: 0906 751 5610.

AQUARIUS THE Earth goes

Jan 21 — Feb 19 round the Sun. The Moon goes round the Earth. The Sun goes round the Galactic Centre. No wonder we feel our lives are going round in circles. Although, actually, the Moon does not just go round the Earth; it goes round the Sun. But because we are so big, we impose a predictable perturbation on its orbit. And even if the Sun is in motion, it takes a long time to complete a circuit of the solar system. You may imagine your life is going round in a loop, but all is not quite as you think or fear. NEW! Your four-minute forecast for the whole of April. Don’t miss your good news. Call 0906 751 5611. PISCES Feb 20 — Mar 20 IT IS one thing to get away, by the skin of your teeth, with a risky move or an unwise choice. It is another to build the future on the basis of a lucky break. That is like staring into the pan, hoping to see a further flash, or expecting every moon to be blue. You are being cosseted by a kindly cosmos. But you need to plan for the future with a little more wisdom. What if, next time you slip, your guardian angels cannot catch you? Count your blessings today — but don’t count your chickens before they hatch. If you’d like a reason to smile, call your new four-minute forecast. I’ve crammed it with good news about what awaits you in April. Call 0906 751 5612.