JONATHAN CAINER

LAST WEEK, I discussed the possiblity of ‘haunted planets’. This week I’ve been playing with the idea of a ‘lost world’ that might once have occupied the mysterious gap between Mars and Jupiter. That’s where several hundred thousand asteroids orbit the Sun in one big ‘belt’. It is also where a mathematical formula known as Bode’s Law says there should be a planet. Might they be the remnants of some prehistoric catastrophe? Experts don’t currently think so. But then, experts don’t know everything. We do know, though, that orbiting asteroids are rare in the rest of our solar system.

ARIES Mar 21 — Apr 20 WHENEVER people feel they are fighting for the truth, justice or ‘the right thing’, they find it hard to avoid becoming a little pompous and self-righteous. This doesn’t always stop them being successful but it deprives them of the insight that can sometimes only come to us through our sense of humour. It is difficult to feel afraid of something if you find it funny. Put aside a sense of outrage today. The way to right a wrong is to laugh at it. Wonderful changes are coming your way. I have much to tell you in your NEW personal moon-sign forecast. Dial in your date of birth when you call 0906 751 5601.

TAURUS Apr 21 — May 21 MOST powerful exchanges happen in a micro-second. Two people’s eyes meet and instantly, they understand. They are on the same wavelength. No additional explanation is required. It is also possible for two different people to negotiate for hours each day, over months on end, and still be no clearer about one another’s needs and intentions. If anything has to be forced now, you don’t need it. If you want to clear up confusion, go where communication is easy. Then you will make progress. Looking for some good news? Dial in your date of birth to hear your NEW spookily accurate Moon-sign prediction. Call 0906 751 5602.

GEMINI May 22 — June 22 ACCORDING to the anthropologists and the archaeologists, there were no humans on Earth during the age of the dinosaurs. Our ancestors never had to cower in the corner of the cave while a T-rex came stomping by. Even so, we all seem to suffer from an innate fear of big scary monsters. When there aren’t any, we invent them and we are prone to see small problems as huge threats. No matter what is worrying you now, it isn’t going to eat you alive — unless you let it! Change your life with a spookily accurate personal moon-sign forecast. Dial in your date of birth now! Call 0906 751 5603.

CANCER June 23 — July 23 ONCE again, the moon is nearly full. Why, it hasn’t been this big and bright since, er, well, this time last month! Thinking back, that is also about how long it is since you last felt quite as you are now. Excited. Inspired. Eager to embark on an adventure, yet wary of a problem that could scupper your plans at any moment. But seize every opportunity and make the most of every moment. You deserve the chance that is coming up. Wonderful changes are coming your way. I have much to tell you in your NEW personal moon-sign forecast. Dial in your date of birth when you call 0906 751 5604.

LEO July 24 — Aug 23 THE benefits of an education last a lifetime. Once we have learned a skill, a subject or a trade, we can draw on this experience for evermore. It is never long before we forget the effort it took us to attain our knowledge. But to last the course takes diligence and dedication. The University of Life is now preparing you for an advanced diploma. This will open many doors. But first, you must pass today’s examination on the topic of ‘patience’. Looking for some good news? Dial in your date of birth to hear your NEW spookily accurate Moon-sign prediction. Call 0906 751 5605.

VIRGO Aug 24 — Sep 23 THE scariest movies never give us a good long look at the monster. Just a sneak peek. Good directors know that the viewer’s imagination is always going to be much more evocative than anything special effects can create. The right kind of ambiguity is more exciting than the wrong kind of certainty. Life is about to offer you a hint of what could be in store. If you find the proposition disturbing, don’t embellish it, even if you find it inviting, you should still try not to get too carried away. Change your life with a spookily accurate personal moon-sign forecast. Dial in your date of birth now! Call 0906 751 5606.

LIBRA Sep 24 — Oct 23 A LITTEL later this week, two things happen at once. We will get a Full Moon in your sign, while Venus (your ruler) forms a right-angle to Neptune. Astrologically, that’s a mixed message. It’s like saying, you are due to enjoy a burst of inspiration when you can find neither a pencil nor a piece of paper. You are starting to come under that influence. The sky now grants you everything you need for success, apart from clarity of mind. Stay focused. Wonderful changes are coming your way. I have much to tell you in your NEW personal moon-sign forecast. Dial in your date of birth when you call 0906 751 5607.

SCORPIO Oct 24 — Nov 22 PARENTS often accuse teenagers of treating their home like a hotel. Arguably, the human race is like a bunch of thoughtless adolescents. We hardly show the planet much respect. We act like we own the place and we imagine we can get away with all sorts of sloppy behaviour. You are becoming conscious of a problem. It seems to you that this can quite easily be solved, if only a few more people took some responsibility. If you want to foster such an attitude, use a carrot, not a stick. Looking for some good news? Dial in your date of birth to hear your NEW spookily accurate Moon-sign prediction. Call 0906 751 5608.

SAGITTARIUS Nov 23 — Dec 21 We dress in one way when popping out to the corner shop. Differently if we are going to a gala dinner. We apply different standards to different situations and we don’t entirely do this out of deference to others. We do it to meet a need in ourselves. Some outfits help us to feel more confident, more formal or more relaxed. Attitudes can sometimes be a bit like suits. Might you now be wearing something that doesn’t quite match the moment? Change your life with a spookily accurate personal moon- sign forecast. Dial in your date of birth now! Call 0906 751 5609.

CAPRICORN Dec 22 — Jan 20 THE survival instinct is strong in us all. So strong that some of us seem only able to survive when we are struggling! If our needs are met, our problems are solved, our disputes are settled, we soon become bored and complacent. So we seek new challenges and risks. Could there be an element of this in your current story? Stop and think a moment. You have an easy option — as well as a difficult one. What’s wrong with making life less stressful for yourself? Wonderful changes are coming your way. I have much to tell you in your NEW personal moon-sign forecast. Dial in your date of birth when you call 0906 751 5610.

AQUARIUS Jan 21 — Feb 19 PEOPLE often ask me whether it is better to be born under one sign than another. I always reply that it doesn’t work that way. The pros and the cons are distributed equally throughout the zodiac. That is my official line — but between the two of us, I want to whisper something to you. You have done very well. You arrived here on planet Earth at a great time of year and your Aquarian qualities represent a great blessing. Be proud of who you are today. Looking for some good news? Dial in your date of birth to hear your NEW spookily accurate Moon-sign prediction. Call 0906 751 5611.

PISCES Feb 20 — Mar 20 IMAGINCE the word ‘subtle’ in bright neon letters, 100ft high! Imagine whispering quietly into a microphone, attached to the amplification system at a rock concert. Imagine feeling very sure that you are achieving a particular ambition while, actually, you are achieving the opposite. As Jupiter and Neptune now align harmoniously, life brings you a choice — you can dwell in your imagination or you can see what is really going on and use this to make positive progress.

Change your life with a spookily accurate personal moon-sign forecast. Dial in your date of birth now! Call 0906 751 5612.