I went through the menopause at eleven
Hot flushes in the classroom. HRT before she’d had her first kiss. Knowing she’d never have a baby. But most shocking of all? Amanda’s ordeal is far from unique
how much I want to be a mum. It’s not going to be easy — finding an egg donor is hard and IVF is expensive — but I want to try.
‘When I was 20 I had a laparoscopy, which showed that my womb is healthy, so it may be that I’ll be able to get pregnant using egg donation.
‘At the moment, I’m concentrating on my career but, in the next few years, it’s an option I’ll explore. If that fails, I’ll look into adoption. I still see my future as being a mum — I hope I’m not disappointed.’
For women robbed early in life of the biological essence of their femininity, the process of conceiving and bearing a child can be a healing one.
AFTERyears on an NHS waiting list for an egg donor, Rebecca found a donor through her mother, Beverley, 49, a school cook, who persuaded one of her colleagues, Lindsey O’brien, now 40, to donate.
‘It was amazing to be pregnant and feel my body doing what it was supposed to do,’ says Rebecca, whose daughter, Jessica, is now four.
Sadly, Rebecca’s relationship with Jessica’s father broke down two years ago. She says her condition had nothing to do with the break-up, but concedes: ‘I think it’s hard for a man to understand what I went through.’
Rebecca is now engaged to her new partner, Simon Sidderley, 27, an account manager, and hopes to repeat the experience of motherhood using a donor egg.
‘I’ve been honest with Simon about my situation, and I’d love to be pregnant again,’ she says.
Yvette Charman, 30, a carer at a children’s hospice, also hopes to use an egg donor to become pregnant. She only discovered she was post-menopausal when she came off the Pill to start a family after marrying Jamie, 24, an office worker, in July 2010.
Unbeknown to her, Yvette had gone through the menopause at 14.
After her periods stopped and she began experiencing night sweats, hot flushes and mood swings, a consultant told Yvette she had a ‘ hormonal imbalance’ and prescribed the contraceptive Pill.
She started having regular periods again but, despite taking the Pill, Yvette continued to suffer terrible night sweats.
Years later, when Yvette was 28 and stopped taking the Pill, her periods stopped, too, and she was referred to hospital for tests which revealed that she was infertile — news delivered to her casually by a student doctor.
‘He blurted out to me that I wouldn’t be able to have children naturally. I didn’t know I’d been through the menopause. I was devastated.’
Yvette, from Hampshire, struggled with the emotional blow. ‘I kept telling Jamie he’d be better off without me, because I couldn’t bear the thought that I was potentially depriving him of his chance to have a family. I felt he should find a fertile woman who could give that to him.’ But Jamie was undeterred. With his support, Yvette saw a more sympathetic consultant, who explained she was post- menopausal, but could consider having IVF using an egg donor, and that HRT might be a better treatment option for her than the Pill. ‘The HRT immediately had a big impact,’ she says.
‘The night sweats stopped and my mood improved. I had a bone scan to see if I’d developed osteoporosis. Luckily, I haven’t.
‘I’ll stay on HRT until we find an egg donor. I think there’s a huge stigma attached to the menopause — women are made to feel they’re past it, but I have so much to look forward to.
‘Yes, I wish I’d been told about my condition much earlier, but I feel fortunate in many ways.’