JONATHAN CAINER

ONCE you look away from the asteroid belt you find hardly any asteroids of significant size in a regular, predictable orbit around the Sun. One exception, out between Saturn and Uranus, gets astrologers excited. Discovered in 1977, Chiron is a cross between an asteroid and a comet. Such objects are called centaurs — and Chiron was the most famous centaur in Greek mythology. He was the great healer who, ultimately, couldn’t heal himself. He was also an astrologer! If ever I have to confess that I didn’t anticipate something in my own future, I cite his story as the explanation!

ARIES Mar 21 — Apr 20 HAVE you got the keys to the planet? When this big blue ball finally stops spinning, would you be the one to turn off the lights? It is no use shaking your head and saying you don’t know what I mean. I’ve heard the rumours. I suspect they may be true. Apparently, you are the one in charge. The real reason why anyone, anywhere, ever does anything, is because of you! Er, well, OK then. Maybe not. But you still have a surprisingly large amount of power right now. Use it well. Looking for some good news? Dial in your date of birth to hear your NEW spookily accurate Moon-sign prediction. Call 0906 751 5601.

TAURUS EVER since my daily Apr 21 — May 21 predictions started being turned into Japanese and Spanish, I have been slightly nervous. The translators are lovely people. But they have so much power! They can make me sound like an idiot or a genius. And how will I know? But then, sometimes, it is difficult to get your point across even when you are talking the same language. Venus and Neptune now form a right-angle. If you think you know what someone else is saying to you, double-check, just to be sure. Change your life with a spookily accurate personal Moon- sign forecast. Dial in your date of birth now! Call 0906 751 5602.

GEMINI May 22 — June 22 IN MANY a classic cartoon, there comes a moment when the shipwrecked sailors land on a tiny island, only to discover that it is actually the back of a giant sea monster. You get the same thing in thrillers, where the heroes run from the villains and take refuge in a room only to discover that the man behind the desk is the crime lord. That is pretty much your concern. But if a frying pan doesn’t have any heat under it, you can hardly jump from there into a fire! Relax! Looking for some good news? Dial in your date of birth to hear your NEW spookily accurate Moon-sign prediction. Call 0906 751 5603.

CANCER THINK of a circus June 23 — July 23 performer walking along a thin, tight high-wire. Surely, what they want is to arrive safely at the end of their journey. But is that all they want? If it were, they could just go straight to the pillar that holds up the far end of the rope and climb a ladder. Then they would be at the other end. But that would hardly be an adventure and the audience wouldn’t be impressed. You can’t have a joyous moment of stress relief unless you first have stress! Don’t worry today. Change your life with a spookily accurate personal Moon- sign forecast. Dial in your date of birth now! Call 0906 751 5604.

LEO July 24 — Aug 23 ONCE upon a time, there was something you didn’t know. Because you didn’t know it, you didn’t even know you didn’t know it! Then, one day, you knew it. You found something out, you were taught a lesson or something was revealed to you. Now, you can’t imagine what life was like back in the days before you got that knowledge. How did you cope? How did you make your choices and how could they possibly have been wise? I say this only because the Full Moon is about to bring you a revelation. Looking for some good news? Dial in your date of birth to hear your NEW spookily accurate Moon-sign prediction. Call 0906 751 5605.

VIRGO PEOPLE, as you may Aug 24 —Sep 23 have noticed, are peculiar. They say and do some strange things. I’m not talking about oddballs and eccentrics — the strangest folk of all are the ones who act normal or who believe themselves to be ordinary and conventional. It is only when you spend some time observing them that their idiosyncrasies are revealed. Are you now baffled by someone’s attitude? Everything will become easier to understand if you stop imagining that, somehow, it must make sense. Change your life with a spookily accurate personal Moon- sign forecast. Dial in your date of birth now! Call 0906 751 5606.

LIBRA Sep 24 — Oct 23 GREAT creativity comes from chaos, not order. Inspiration is often a by-product of desperation. You can’t put something back together until it has first fallen apart. You can’t see a brilliant solution until you first come to accept the full extent of the problem. Venus and Neptune are making you aware of something that isn’t working. Trying to close your eyes and pretend that everything is fine won’t help you much. But if you really open your eyes... oh the things you will see. Looking for some good news? Dial in your date of birth to hear your NEW spookily accurate Moon- sign prediction. Call 0906 751 5607.

SCORPIO WHY would Oct 24 — Nov 22 anyone ever want to be born under any other sign? Just imagine how lacking in drama their lives would be. How dull, how disappointing must be the experience of the non-scorpio. You get all the excitement, largely because the world gives it to you — but sometimes because you create it. You have an amazing ability not just to spot trouble wherever it’s hiding, but to tempt it out into the open and challenge it. Why does trouble like you? Maybe, it is because you like it! Change your life with a spookily accurate personal Moon- sign forecast. Dial in your date of birth now! Call 0906 751 5608.

SAGITTARIUS YOU wear Nov 23 — Dec 21 confidence well. Like a smart suit that has been made to measure, it flatters your figure and turns heads. Of course, you have to take it off every so often. If you wore it day and night, it would not keep looking good. From time to time, you must allow yourself to ‘get naked’ on the inside, acknowledge doubt and tackle personal shortcomings. But you have spent too long in a state of undress. It is time to swap the pyjamas of perplexity for the pinstripes of positivity. Looking for some good news? Dial in your date of birth to hear your NEW spookily accurate Moon- sign prediction. Call 0906 751 5609.

CAPRICORN IF everything Dec 22 — Jan 20 in life is simple, obvious and easy to understand, why do we have universities? Why do people have to go on long, arduous training courses? Why do the library shelves of this world groan under the weight of so many textbooks? Some things really aren’t that straightforward. But others are. Today, you can pretty much forget about anything that looks to be too demanding. Whatever can happen sweetly and naturally is the thing that needs to happen next. Change your life with a spookily accurate personal Moon-sign forecast. Dial in your date of birth now! Call 0906 751 5610.

AQUARIUS I HOPE you Jan 21 — Feb 19 didn’t show yesterday’s forecast to anyone. It was strictly between you and me. I don’t suppose it much matters if you showed it to another Aquarian. If someone born under a different sign were to see it, they might feel upset. There’s me telling you how special you are and how blessed you should feel for your astrological inheritance, while other signs are having to struggle with day-to-day difficulties. Your outlook now remains exceptional but you need to be discreet. Looking for some good news? Dial in your date of birth to hear your NEW spookily accurate Moon-sign prediction. Call 0906 751 5611.

PISCES THEY say you should Feb 20 — Mar 20 never make a statement on the internet that you aren’t prepared to shout from the rooftop of your home. There is really very little privacy on those social networking sites. You are, of course, still entitled to think whatever you want to think, not even the founders of Facebook have yet managed to come up with a way to read our minds and publish them on a page. But under the current alignment from Venus to Neptune, it may be wise to watch what you say. Change your life with a spookily accurate personal Moon-sign forecast. Dial in your date of birth now! Call 0906 751 5612.