Why we still feel the fear

25 years after it first hit the shelves, a self-help classic is still changing lives. One devotee explains...

reading the book? ok? Who knows? What i

do know is that at the book planted a mantra in my mind that has stayed with me ever since.

now every time me i have to call someone i don’t know, go to a party alone or argue my point in a meeting, i simply repeat the phrase in my head. i remind myself that it’s good to be scared because it means i’m living life rather than just hiding in my comfort zone.

i have bought the book as a present for several friends who i felt needed a push in the right direction.

Marie O’riordan, 36, says the same. now a successful business consultant, she remembers reading the book as a 16-year-old in rural ireland.

‘i was a shy teenager growing up on a farm in the middle of nowhere when i got hold of the book,’ she says. ‘i read it in my bedroom and it was a like a light went on. i always knew that i wanted more from my life than to live, marry and die in the same village — but it gave me the push.

‘That summer, i applied to volunteer in a French hospital. it was my first time out of the country and on an plane. i was terrified, but i did it — and since then i’ve kept on push-ing myself. When i was 19 and doing charity work, i met Mother Teresa and became the last person to interview her.

‘Then i started reporting for CNN before moving into the business world, where i’ve travelled around the globe. i owe a lot of that to read-ing Susan Jeffers’ book.’

other self-help books of the time were written by men and told women how to find love, keep love and live their lives. But this book was written by a woman telling other women to stop trying to be perfect and have the confidence to just go out there and do something, something anything anything. Susan Jeffers’ story was testament to her beliefs. Married at 18, she was a frustrated housewife who went to university when her children were young. ‘Going back to study shocked my mother and others who felt a woman’s place was in the home. i felt this was true only for women who wanted to be there, not for those who didn’t,’ she says. after Susan got her PHD, she tried for years to get her book published — receiving countless rejection letters including one that claimed: ‘Lady Di could be bicycling down the street giving away this book and nobody would read it.’ When it finally did get published in 1987, Marga-ret Thatcher was in no 10 and women were beginning to scale the career ladder.

‘Feel The Fear felt real because it was written by a woman,’ says Linda kelsey, who was the editor of cosmopolitan magazine at the time.

‘We ran extracts and i stuck the slogan on my office wall. it was a mantra for courage. every time i have to make a speech or go on the radio or TV, all of which i loathe, loath i say those famous words . . .’

But it wasn’t just a slogan aimed at cata-pulting females up the career ladder — its ruthless advice about relationships emboldened women in their personal lives, too. W While dozens of self-help books tell women wome how to find the perfect love, Jeffers tells you y that there’s no such thing until

you find your own happiness. Legend Lege has it that when Jeffers left her husband husba of 16 years to pursue her career in new York, she called him and said: ‘You know, hon, i think i’m leaving the house today and everything in it is yours.’

BUT can a self-help book have a real impact on our lives? How relevant is the philosophy to Generation X, who have been brought up not to feel much fear anyway?

‘Some ‘Som people use self-help books as a substitute subst to doing anything,’ says psychotherapist psych Phillip Hodson. ‘They think: think “i know how to do it now, so i’ll do it next nex week.”

‘But even if you don’t make any changes, these books have their value. They can show you life can be lived a different way. it’s up to you whether you use it or not.’

So is Feel The Fear the best self-help book out there? only you can decide that, depending on how much fear you felt before you read it and what you did when you put it down.

i have not gone on to conquer the world or make a million, but i have done more than i ever thought i would. and in some part, that is down to this book. But perhaps the best thing of all is you don’t really need to buy it: the title says it all.

FEEL The Fear And Do It Anyway, 25th anniversary edition by Susan Jeffers (Vermilion, £12.99).