How I finally found the big answer, at 50
I READ Linda Kelsey’s wonderful article about the pitfalls of imagining you are a sex siren at age 60, and I’m sure everyone agrees she looks at least 20 years younger. Confidence grows with age; confidence makes us more attractive.
I am 50, got married at 18, had five children and in between each a miscarriage — and, with retrospect, I used pregnancy and motherhood as an excuse to remain fat. I hid behind my beautiful children and my weight (24 st at my biggest) — I felt ugly and as though I belonged in the wrong body. As a result I didn’t feel remotely sexy and didn’t make much effort in bed.
I was subconsciously pushing away my lovely hardworking husband, but the key in life, as I’ve discovered at 50, is to take responsibility rather than become bitter and a blamer.
Through my bitterness and lack of ability to look at myself, I wanted to make my husband feel inadequate and told him the children were ‘ my life’, subconsciously excluding him. It was years before I had a long hard look at myself.
In my mid-40s I borrowed money to have weight-loss surgery, and during the year it took for my weight to disappear, I began to recognise the pretty, slim woman who abruptly left at 18.
It was exciting to shop for clothes — then the recession hit us. My husband again became the target of my blame. It wasn’t his fault but rather than talk to him about it, I turned to alcohol and sat around in the evenings drinking too much.
These days I do not over- drink and I talk about everything to my darling, handsome man. I find him funny, clever and desirable, and I know he feels the same about me.
I wouldn’t wish to go through all that again, and my advice to anyone is to look more at themselves and not at others’ faults. Enjoy the present and look forward with joy!
Finally, for those wanting to slim, be happy with yourself, your soul, if not with your weight. And lose it carefully, not destructively, so you don’t lose yourself in the process.
FRANCINE HODGES, Southend-on-sea, Essex.
A taxing problem
CRITICS of George Osborne and his limiting tax relief on charities (Mail) forget that taxes benefit us all and pay for our hospitals, schools and roads. When the wealthiest give charitable donations with tax relief, the money goes to their choices, regardless of how valid they are.
some charities support the upkeep of buildings. While it is nice to visit these grand houses, there are a lot of them and they could’ve been colleges or nursing homes, with the land used for vegetable production to save on imports.
A poor pensioner may send £2 a month to a UK cancer charity with Gift Aid, while a wealthy businessman sends money abroad to a charity claiming to save animals. More tax relief money goes abroad, but might, in reality, support the purchase of weapons.
Mrs Evelyn BROWN, llandrindod wells, Powys. so, 800 charities have written to the Government to complain about the change in tax rules. I’d like to paraphrase what they are saying:
‘As charities, we feel we are entitled to require the people of the UK (who are the real providers of taxation relief) to give £45 to our charities for every £55 (assuming the new higher tax rate) our rich donors give, with those rich donors deciding to whom the money should be donated, regardless of how much is given.
It is not fair that the people’s representative (the Chancellor) should have any say in this whatsoever.’
It seems odd that charities should be allowed to run the country. Gift Aid currently gives charities an additional 25 per cent on the income they get from taxpayers, and inheritance tax rules are being amended to encourage people, at little cost, to give 10 per cent of their estate to charities. That’s all very nice for our charities — but who is picking up the bill for this state generosity? It is the people of the United Kingdom through taxes they pay.
The Chancellor’s suggested changes to Gift Aid rules do not stop rich donors handing over donations. It just means the UK taxpayer will no longer cough up a further £45 for every £55 donated.
This seems very reasonable at a time when everyone in the country is being asked to take a cut in their income to enable us to get back to a sound financial position.
Moreover, I understand the Chancellor is concerned to ensure any changes made are done in a way to allow charities to cope with any change of income.
My only criticism of Osborne on this, as on a number of his other recent decisions, is that he is not explaining what he is doing in clear terms. And that allows special interest groups to paint his actions as unreasonable.
Paul SEWARD, Derby.
Clean run
HURRAH for Wales — for reducing plastic bags. Now what about 50p, refundable at merchants, on all plastic and glass bottles: a practice in British Columbia for many years and in the Fifties in England.
It would help reduce the disgusting display of garbage in our streets and along our motorways. It would be a source of income for some and a clean-up for us all.
BRIAN MALIN, leamington Spa.
Adopt new policy
I WAS incensed to read your front page article on children taken into care and the adoption process.
My son, aged 42, and his wife have been going through the adoption process for more than two years, and after much interviewing, courses and social worker visits, they were finally approved to be adoptive parents of two siblings last February.
They have a lovely large rambling home and garden plus an extended family of aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents who are 100 per cent supportive. But they are still waiting for children as, according to their social worker, there are none available in their area that fit their profile — very simply two children under five ( preferably one of them a girl).
Why did social workers not put them immediately on the national register?
I hope David Cameron puts this travesty right as soon as possible, to stop our youngest and most vulnerable languishing in care.
AVRIL ROSS, address supplied.
Hot under the collar
THE Government is considering forcing people to have cavity-wall insulation if they want a conservatory (Mail).
Years ago when this form of insulation was introduced, many people who adopted it subsequently found that they got damp in their walls, and rued the day they agreed to having cavity-wall installation. Once it is in, you have it for life.
We were always led to believe the air gap in the walls was the best kind of insulation. As we have fairly low ceilings and our rooms warm up quickly, we turn our heating off regularly. No government is going to tell us what do to at our own house.
It seems we are increasingly being deprived of making our own decisions about our own homes. If things go wrong, could we sue the Government for forcing us to act on advice we didn’t want?
since when did this so- called democratic government turn into a dictatorship?
NORMA SMITH, Ottringham, Hull.
Number of midwives
IN JULIA LAWRENCE’S article ‘Call the (private) midwife’ (Mail) she maintains there are ‘8,000 fewer midwives than there were ten years ago’. Actually, there are almost 3,000 more midwives than ten years ago, and more than 900 more midwives than in May 2010, as shown in the latest annual workforce figures published just last month.
We are passionate about the NHS and want it safeguarded for future generations — that is why we have increased NHS funding by £ 12.5 billion. We will never compromise the basic principles of the NHS, which will remain free at the point of use.
SIMON BURNS, Health Minister, whitehall.