Why, as a parent, you should never be tempted to treat your child as a friend

A GENERATION of children is growing up badly behaved because their parents are too afraid to discipline them, a leading clinical psychologist and broadcaster has warned.

The rise of the so-called ‘friend-parent’ – who tries to be their child’s equal rather than their boss – means youngsters are approaching adolescence ill-equipped for the real world, according to Professor Tanya Byron.

Professor Byron, who featured on the BBC series House Of Tiny Tearaways, said she was treating children at her clinic with behavioural problems as a direct result of such parenting tactics.

She said: ‘Children as young as six are brought to my clinics by parents who are anxious that any time they try to set a boundary, the child becomes distressed.

‘In this age of the “friend-parent”, such children are then swaddled, protected and essentially regressed for fear of upsetting them.’

She said parents were so preoccupied with getting their children on their side that they were waiting on them hand and foot – denying them important life skills.

She said: ‘What’s happened to chores, a family being a team, with everyone having their key jobs?

‘I treat children of eight and nine who, while attending intellectually challenging schools, cannot take themselves to the toilet or clean themselves afterwards, or who don’t dress or feed themselves independently – never mind know how to tie a shoelace.’ She warned that without boundaries and chores, a child’s development could be impaired.

‘Children who have every need catered for remain at an immature stage of emotional intelligence and, as young adults facing a challenging world, can only regress back to the safety of the childhood home,’ she said.

Psychologist Dr Aric Sigman said the ‘friend-parent’ phenomenon could be explained by the fact that women are choosing to start families when they are older.

He said: ‘There is the feeling that by saying “no” to your children or being in charge somehow damages your relationship with them.

‘Parents today, in particular mothers, are much older than ever before. They are also likely to be working as well.

‘The result is children are seeing their parents for less hours a day, so if the children start displaying challenging behaviour because they haven’t had the attention they need, they feel guilty and let it go, rather than disciplining them for it and risk them getting upset.’

Dr Mary Bousted, general secretary of the Association of Teachers and Lecturers union, said schools were left to pick up the pieces.

‘Schools are having to deal with children who haven’t been toilet trained, children who expect to always get their own way and have never been told “no”.

‘Parents aren’t doing their children any favours if they wait on them hand and foot, try to buy good behaviour or make up for lack of attention with toys and gadgets.

‘They need to have the confidence to set rules, make their children help around the house, and encourage them to become independent to enable them to become confident and capable adults.’