JONATHAN CAINER

Dear Jonathan, Why are astrologers ‘allowed’ to put forth their own interpretations when one of the field’s staples is maths, an actuarial subject? Rachel Dear Rachel, What a question! I don’t think I can give a quick answer to this, so I’ve decided, instead, to dedicate the next few days to your letter. Let’s begin with the word ‘actuarial’. The dictionary tells me this could be someone who calculates life expectancies for insurance companies but I think I know what you mean. Then again, your question is all about what entitles me to think I know what anything means . . .

ARIES Mar 21 — Apr 20 THERE is an old saying: ‘If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.’ But if it is broken? Why should we refrain from mending it then? Much depends on what it is, how badly it is broken and how much bother mending it is likely to create. Can you cope with it being broken a little longer? Will it get any worse if it remains broken for a while? Oh, and one more question we shall be considering together over the next few days. Even if it definitely is broken, are we absolutely sure we know what is really wrong with it? The cosmos now offers you a chance to rediscover old hopes and reclaim missed opportunities. Let me tell you more. Call 0906 751 5601.

TAURUS Apr 21 — May 21 APPARENTLY, the Olympic rings are copyright protected. You can’t just draw them up and stick them in a window or on a wall. You have got to pay lots of money to the proper people first. If you don’t, they will send you scary legal letters. I wonder if those laws cover just part of the image? What if you draw just three or four circles? Or two? Look! I’ve just put two circles in the word ‘look’. Am I in trouble? You will be in trouble this week, if you worry too much about what is or isn’t allowed. Looking for a reason to be cheerful? You won’t have to hunt too hard to find one of those this week. Allow me to inspire you. Call 0906 751 5602.

GEMINI May 22 — June 22 IT IS one thing to hop if you have a thorn in your foot or a stone in your shoe. It is another to do it because you once suffered from such an impediment and you got into the habit of compensating for it. Suppose you have to carry a tea tray or a bag of new-laid eggs, would you really want to carry on hopping? As Mercury continues to slip slowly backwards through the zodiac, you need to think about what might once have been appropriate and whether it is still the best way. Don’t be anxious. The world isn’t such a bad place after all. Let me show you how things can soon get so much better. Call 0906 751 5603

CANCER June 23 — July 23 HOW do we stop ourselves from being upset about a matter that displeases us? By finding some other matter that displeases us even more! Or we can try to find a way to stop seeing problems. If a situation seems unsatisfactory, look for the one thing within it that might be worthy of praise. And if no such saving grace can be found? Well then, it must be a big problem and at least you can be glad of the fact it must be taking your mind off several smaller difficulties. All you need this week is a different perspective. The cosmos now offers you a chance to rediscover old hopes and reclaim missed opportunities. Let me tell you more. Call 0906 751 5604.

LEO July 24 — Aug 23 SOMETIMES, celebrities endorse products. You turn on the TV and see these smiling faces, urging people to buy a brand or service. Even when it is abundantly clear they themselves would never actually make such a purchase, we form a mental association and it helps us look more kindly on the offering. Whose advice might you now be following? Where, in your world, are you being led along a road by someone who looks very confident but doesn’t actually know the way? Looking for a reason to be cheerful? You won’t have to hunt too hard to find one of those this week. Allow me to inspire you. Call 0906 751 5605.

VIRGO Aug 24 — Sep 23 SOME people seem to think that astrologers believe in destiny. Perhaps they once did. Perhaps some still do. But I have my doubts. Destiny is, presumably, something you cannot alter. If a horoscope really revealed a series of inevitable future events, that would be very depressing — even if those events were due to be good. But we all have choice. The stars may show us a map, but they never force us to go down a particular road. Your choices, this week, may yet make an enormous difference to your future. Don’t be anxious. The world isn’t such a bad place after all. Let me show you how things can soon get so much better. Call 0906 751 5606.

LIBRA Sep 24 — Oct 23 WE ALL like underdogs. When we see the little guy battling the big guy, we naturally feel inclined to support the one who has least power. Maybe they will be successful. Wouldn’t that be exciting? But then what happens to the folk who win? They turn into the new reigning champions. Sooner or later, we will all start looking forward to the day when they are overthrown. If you really want to be a winner this week, you need to remember that winning isn’t the be-all and end-all. The cosmos now offers you a chance to rediscover old hopes and reclaim missed opportunities. Let me tell you more. Call 0906 751 5607. SCORPIO EVEN when we

Oct 24 — Nov 22 share the same language — indeed, even when we are drawing on the same points of social and cultural reference — we often fail to understand each other. Either they do not want to hear what is being said or, perhaps, they do not want to say what they know they need to say. The upshot is confusion at best, frustration at worst. But it is not just clarity of communication you need this week. Delicacy and diplomacy are required, too. Happily, you are capable of achieving all that. Looking for a reason to be cheerful? You won’t have to hunt too hard to find one of those this week. Allow me to inspire you. Call 0906 751 5608.

SAGITTARIUS YOU have Nov 23 — Dec 21 a great ability to cope with impossible situations. When things seem crazy, when people are behaving unreasonably, when systems and arrangements just aren’t functioning as they should, you take it in your stride. You can see the one little glimmer of hope within a tunnel of darkness and fan it into a flame. Or at least, usually! Right now, you are starting to doubt your ability to work such magic. But fear not, you have done it before and you will do it again. Don’t be anxious. The world isn’t such a bad place after all. Let me show you how things can soon get so much better. Call 0906 751 5609.

CAPRICORN Dec 22 — Jan 20 LET’S make a list. Mondays are good for such activities. We can write down all the things we want to do and then when it gets to Friday, we can come up with the reasons why none of those things happened. Or not. Maybe this week, when you get to Friday, you will see a long list of satisfying ticks against all those points on the agenda. Tell you what, let’s make it an easy list. Write down, ‘I must remember to remain grateful for the gift of life’, all week long. There. If you manage that, the rest will be easy. The cosmos now offers you a chance to rediscover old hopes and reclaim missed opportunities. Let me tell you more. Call 0906 751 5610.

AQUARIUS Jan 21 — Feb 19 WHEN we lose our temper, it is always more than our temper we lose. With it goes our perspective. And that is most precious. I am not suggesting you are in any great danger of becoming volatile. But if you are struggling, it may be as a consequence of a previous decision reached in a moment of exasperation. Take a deep breath. Think things through again. As long as you remember what really matters, you will accomplish all that you need to. Looking for a reason to be cheerful? You won’t have to hunt too hard to find one of those this week. Allow me to inspire you. Call 0906 751 5611.

PISCES SOME say we are all Feb 20 — Mar 20 born blessed with the ability to give healing. Just by staying calm and allowing some love and kindness to emanate from our hearts, we can help other people physically and psychologically. And we can help ourselves, too. But we have to prioritise positivity. If we let ourselves get too upset or angry, we communicate those emotions instead, with all the negative side-effects that go with them. The only question you need ask yourself this week is: ‘What kind of miracle might I work if I try?’ Don’t be anxious. The world isn’t such a bad place after all. Let me show you how things can soon get so much better. Call 0906 751 5612. Calling from a mobile? Simply dial 87177 and your call will cost just 77p a minute, as it does from a landline. To report a phone-line problem, call 0800 138 9789.