JONATHAN CAINER

I have, I think, already said enough about the U.S. election. So I shall just repeat what I said some while ago. Websites round the world are buzzing with excitement because Mercury will be retrograde on the day, just as it was when we had the drama with the ‘hanging chads’ in 2000 and, for a nail-biting while, the election hung in the balance between George W. Bush and al Gore. While this was, indeed, a classic Mercury retrograde phenomenon, I don’t agree with those astrologers who foresee a repeat of it. This time, there will be no doubt about the winner.

ARIES Mar 21 — Apr 20 THE important thing to

keep in mind is that you can’t have it all your own way. Nor can you hope to end up with everything you want. There. I’ve said it. You’ve read it. Shall we sit down and draw a breath? Do you want to say something? OK then. My turn. You can’t have it all your own way, but you can have some of it the way you want it. You can’t have everything, but you can at least have one thing you want. That’s not so bad is it? Make the most of what’s good. It’s all you need. I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Dial in your date of birth for your NEW, special personal forecast. Call 0906 751 5601. TAURUS ‘AS OF now, I’m

Apr 21 — May 21 pulling you off this case,’ says the chief policeman to the ace detective. Our hero backs out, bemused. He’s so close to discovering the villain. Could it be an inside job? Might his boss be caught in a web of corruption? He snaps out of his thoughts just in time to duck as a hail of bullets come through the window. We know how these stories go. We also know the main characters have to survive or there’s no story! You’re in a drama. But don’t take

it too seriously. I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Dial in your date of birth for your NEW, special personal forecast. Call 0906 751 5602.

GEMINI DON’T look at May 22 — June 22 someone and wonder what they’ve got that you haven’t. Look at yourself and wonder why no one else seems to have so many blessings! You’ve got no reason to feel short-changed and every reason to feel grateful for having so much to be proud of. If there’s a sensitive situation, it is only really sensitive because of your sensitivity. Be less anxious, less quick to make comparisons and prepare to start seeing where your advantages truly lie. I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Dial in your date of birth for your NEW, special personal forecast. Call 0906 751 5603. CANCER IF IT’S not all

June 23 — July 23 going to be OK, what else is it going to be? All bad? All is a very big word. It encompasses so much. It is simply too big for bad! Into the word ‘all’ you can fit every ounce of sadness, disappointment, misery and pain this world has ever known or will ever know. There’s still room for all the light, all the love, all the joy, all the magic, all the meaning and all the hope that has ever existed and will ever exist. So let that be your ‘all’ today. It’s all you need to be

aware of. I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Dial in your date of birth for your NEW, special personal forecast. Call 0906 751 5604.

LEO A POWERFUL hunger July 24 — Aug 23 gnaws at you. A strong impulse surges through you. It runs so deep you can hardly separate yourself from the feeling. You are it. It is you. Or so it seems. But even if you were to experience the satisfaction of having your wish fulfilled, wouldn’t you be depriving yourself of the ability to fulfil an even greater need: to be free of a yearning that renders you vulnerable to potential disappointment. Be ‘bigger’ than whatever drama is playing out in your life. I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Dial in your date of birth for your NEW, special personal forecast. Call 0906 751 5605. VIRGO ‘I KNOW I’ve got to find

Aug 24 — Sep 23 some kind of peace of mind.’ So sang Jimmy Ruffin in his classic Sixties hit, What Becomes Of The Broken-hearted? When were you last heartbroken? What scars did this experience leave on you? Are you ready for them to heal? It’s this last question that’s the most important. In an effort not to expose your heart to more sadness, you’ve put up a barrier that, really, you need to lower. Venus in Virgo is your promise of some peace of mind and a sweet sensation in your heart. I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Dial in your date of birth for your NEW, special personal forecast. Call 0906 751 5606.

LIBRA

I’VE been suggesting, Sep 24 — Oct 23

this week, that there are two sides to your personality. Well, not just yours. Every single human on this Earth has at least two distinct and different aspects. If there are seven billion people there must be at least 14 billion sets of potential character traits! That’s a slightly daunting notion. No wonder so many things seem to change depending on how we look at them. Are you sure you’re looking at a situation from the right angle? I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Dial in your date of birth for your NEW, special personal forecast. Call 0906 751 5607. SCORPIO THERE are ways of

Oct 24 — Nov 22 doing things that most folk find acceptable and ways that can cause much offence. You are fully aware of these mores and protocols, yet you can’t help but be amazed by how delicate some sensitivities seem to be. What’s wrong with stating a fact — especially when it is a fact that is staring you in the face? There’s a right way to make a point and a wrong way. Are you really, truly determined to do it the wrong way? Be sure and then, whatever you do, do it wholeheartedly. I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Dial in your date of birth for your NEW, special personal forecast. Call 0906 751 5608.

SAGITTARIUS DO GREAT Nov 23 — Dec 21 artists need pictures painting for them? Do wonderful cooks require guidance with food preparation? Do mathematicians have to get assistants to add up for them? There may be exceptions but, in general, the answer in each case is ‘No’. Now, if someone has a true talent for landing on their feet, why do they need an astrologer to tell them what will happen if they jump? You know what I am going to tell you. Start believing in it

— and in yourself! I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Dial in your date of birth for your NEW, special personal forecast. Call 0906 751 5609. CAPRICORN WHEN you

Dec 22 — Jan 20 look back, what do you see? Are you more conscious of the moments you seized or the opportunities you missed? Are you proud of how you handled your challenges? Or do you cringe when you think of your omissions? While it is good to learn from the past, it is important not to think the only lesson it has to teach us is one about regret. You’ve got so much to be proud of and, if you remember that, you will find you are soon doing so much more that feels so right. I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Dial in your date of birth for your NEW, special personal forecast. Call 0906 751 5610.

AQUARIUS YOU know

Jan 21 — Feb 19 what they say about one bad apple. It can spoil the whole bunch. So why doesn’t the reverse apply? Can’t one good apple stop the rest turning brown? Why should bad triumph over good? Is good so weak and easily spoiled? A lot depends on how we define ‘good’. It is in the right and proper nature of an apple to rot after a while. An apple that stays fine too long is not really good. It is probably just irradiated! What’s truly good in your life can’t go bad. I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Dial in your date of birth for your NEW, special personal forecast. Call 0906 751 5611.

PISCES FILMS tell stories that

Feb 20 — Mar 20 excite us, but they rarely supply much by way of depth and detail. For that, we need books. In the movie world, much relies on our willingness to accept cliches, trust assumptions and judge by appearances. Within us all there’s an almost visceral tendency to accept the seemingly simple and superficial in preference to the complicated and the intricate. But there are times when it is wildly inappropriate to be so shallow. It’s very important for you to go beyond the obvious. I have important news about the big changes due to happen in your life. Dial in your date of birth for your NEW, special personal forecast. Call 0906 751 5612.