With flinty flair he silenced the ya-booers and rhubarb artists
MAN of the match on Budget Day? It was neither croaky George Osborne ( whose voice stalled at one point) nor blowy Edward Miliband. Step forward Deputy Speaker Lindsay Hoyle, the tailcoated Lancastrian who chaired the show with flinty flair.
Tory ya-booers, Labour rhubarb artists, Illiberal Democrat hecklers: all were pocketed with ease. Lindsay lad, pride of Chorley, commanded t’Chamber without sounding shrill or snippety. The House did as told. What a change from Squeaker Bercow.
Mr Hoyle imposed himself on proceedings early, a football ref issuing a yellow card in the third minute of a match.
Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls had acquired a copy of the front page of the not-yet-published London’s Evening Standard which contained details of the Budget. With customary false outrage, Mr Balls – sitting beside Ed Mil’ – started waving it in the air.
He tapped the photocopied document with his finger, open-mouthing ‘disgust’ that Budget secrets had been leaked. Mr Balls loves to try to distract Osbo. He is like one of those street gurriers who shout ‘yer back wheel’s going round!’ at cyclists in the hope they will peer down – and veer into a lamppost.
It is in fact normal practice for the Standard to be given Budget details early. Former spin doctor Balls used to do the task himself. The front page had been inadvertently placed on the internet but you know how Ballsy loves to make a spectacle of himself. He claimed to discern some leaking scandal.
Mr Hoyle was having none of it. He told Mr Balls to shut up or leave the Chamber. ‘He should know better,’ barked the Deputy Speaker. ‘Let’s not have this become the circus of the day.’
Mr Balls, so accustomed to being given free rein by Brother Bercow, looked pop-eyed – a pug that had swallowed a bee. He spent the next ten minutes crossing and uncrossing his legs, Kenny Everett-style, a moue on his chops.
The Chamber was cold. Had the heating been turned off to reduce the smell of dead mouse which has this week arisen from the Opposition side? Or are the parliamentary authorities saving money on oil?
Mr Osborne’s mother sat at one end of an upstairs gallery, his wife at the other end. Mama Osborne listened with her chin on her hand. It can not be easy to hear your son slagged off by scores of braying opponents.
‘I’m going to level with people,’ said Mr Osborne. Laughter from Labour, but Mr Hoyle soon calmed the stage-managed mobbery. Tory leadership pretender Adam Afriyie (Windsor) skulked at the far end of the House, arms crossed.
‘Aspiration Nation,’ said Mr Osborne, his throat dry. They should give him a glass of proper gargle instead of this silly water business. The beer-price reduction went down well with Tories, badly with Labour. Cheers for beers. Where was Charlie Kennedy? ‘Order!’ cried Mr Hoyle. He should perhaps have said ‘last order’. ‘Let’s have a drink!’ cried Sir Bob Russell (Illiberal Democrat, Colchester). Mr Hoyle: ‘Only if you’re buying!’
THERE was more in the Budget than pre- spin had led us to expect. When the (expensivesounding and unTory) commitments on house-buying loans were announced, Deputy PM Clegg spoke with apparent urgency to Treasury Minister Danny Alexander. Had Cleggy not been told beforehand about this measure?
The stuff about lower taxes on new jobs and the raising of the income-tax base rate sent the Coalition benches crazy. No one enjoyed that more than David Cameron. The Prime Minister almost purred as he heard the yelps of acclaim. You could see his battery recharging. To be adored: that is his addiction. Mr Miliband’s response was pretty feeble knockabout, even though he had been helped by having that Evening Standard leak. The Labour ranks gave their man plenty of vocal welly. Mr Hoyle stepped in again. ‘Order! I cannot understand an Opposition that doesn’t want to hear their own leader.’ That, at least, brought a smile to Ed Balls’s face.