Ephraim Hardcastle

WHERE was the BBC’s Daily Politics presenter, Andrew Neil, on Budget Day? Some of his fans on Twitter want to know. ‘Alan Mills’ wrote: ‘Why boring Welsh Windbag, Huw Edwards? Where the hell is Andrew Neil? Can’t believe he’s not presenting.’ Apparently the Budget is viewed as a state occasion by the BBC. And thus the exclusive preserve of Edwards. However a source confides: ‘I think Neil will be back in charge for the Autumn Statement, which some consider more important now.’ AFTER decades of churning out ditties written by others, corncrake-voiced Rod Stewart, 68, says he has rediscovered his song-writing muse. ‘Suddenly ideas for lyrics were piling up in my head,’ he marvels. ‘Next thing I knew, I had a song called “It’s Over” about divorce and separation.’ What inspired the old rascal, who has (to date) had eight children by five different women? ASKED to describe his life as a playboy, screen star Sir Roger Moore, 85, pictured, replies, tongue in cheek: ‘I get out of bed, look through my little black book for a likely phone number, pop a handful of Viagra into my mouth and put my teeth in!’ Who could resist him? MONTY Python and Fawlty Towers star John Cleese’s suggestion that BBC comedy executives are not up to the job may be fair comment but is it tactful of him to make it? He won £13,500 in libel damages – from a paper which said his own comedy career was like watching ‘an agonisingly slow death’. CHANCELLOR George Osborne has joined Twitter, former Tory deputy PM Michael Heseltine was told yesterday. His acid response: ‘That’s wonderful for him.’ Lord Heseltine adds: ‘If you say to me, on the eve of my 80th birthday, “Am I twittering?” the answer is “No”.’ How sensible. Strange one so sensible has remained a devoted Europhile. NOVELIST Jeffrey Archer says his books are always published first in India – to prevent locals copying editions sold abroad. He claims: ‘Once I was driving into Mumbai and a little boy tapped on the window and asked me, “Would you like the latest Jeffrey Archer?”. I said, “I am the latest Jeffrey Archer!”.’ THE latest stage version of Charles Dickens’ Great Expectations, starring Paula Wilcox as Miss Havisham, is closing a month after opening at the Vaudeville Theatre. A spokesman says it was staged ‘only with the extraordinary support of a group of private investors – none of whom had previously invested in theatre’. Perhaps experienced investors would have known better. WHEN aspiring Tory leader Adam Afriyie, MP for Windsor, spoke in the Budget debate a small posse of admirers formed around him to get into the TV shot. They included Leominster’s Bill Wiggin and Huntingdon’s Jonathan Djanogly. ‘Both were sacked by David Cameron in the last reshuffle but of course that has no bearing on their rumoured desire to see him toppled,’ I am advised.