Will I ever be able to trust my flirting husband?
very insecure, and therefore the type most likely to be flattered by the attention of a pushy and attractive young woman.
He is certainly not the first person — male or female — to be flattered when somebody obviously fancies them, and he will not be the last. And that he was cold, even cruel, to you at the time is par for the course.
You admit your mind was preoccupied with kids, work, study and illness — therefore he felt neglected and was fair game for a flirtation. That is no excuse, but just how it was.
Would he have gone to bed with her? Maybe, maybe not, but there is no point in torturing yourself with speculation. Nor will it benefit you to go on replaying the whole sequence of events in your mind. Nor will it help your mental health and your marriage to convince yourself that your husband is going to behave in the same way again.
I can’t ask you to wipe all this from the slate and move on — that would be far easier said than done. But what is the alternative?
You have jumped very readily to the idea of calling time on this marriage even though there are two children in the picture, who I’m sure need their parents to stay together.
I have no hesitation in telling you that your marriage is not ‘beyond repair’ and that you should not ‘walk away’.
I truly believe it would be wise for you and your husband to seek couple counselling (see relate.org. uk) to assess how you can learn from what has happened, discover more about each other’s needs and work together to make your marriage stronger. Honestly, I am convinced you would find the process useful.
Your husband has already shown that he is responsive to your hurt and anger, and perhaps he needs you to show that you are responsive to his genuine feelings of remorse.
With a professional third party present, you can be honest with each other, field tough questions and also recall what it was about each other that first made you fal l in love — and at what point those feelings became buried in domestic demands.
I know he hurt you and that the pain of reading his disloyal messages will never leave you. But we can use pain to redefine our lives. Of course it’s tough, but it can be done.