Anxious parents ‘make children a bully target’

OVERPROTECTIVE parents put their children at a greater risk of being bullied, according to an expert.

Youngsters lack the skills to deal with difficult social situations if they are used to their mothers and fathers doing everything for them.

Dieter Wolke, professor of psychology at Warwick University, said: ‘Overprotective parents like to be involved in everything with the child ... They’re often anxious of letting them do things on their own, like climbing a tree. It’s very risk-averse, anxious behaviour.

‘It takes something away from children: the ability to deal with social situations.

‘Overprotective parenting is related to those who become victims. It’s like you don’t get an inoculation: a small dose given so that you can fight the disease.’

Professor Wolke added: ‘Small conflicts are absolutely normal. But if you’re never exposed to them, you never learn how to deal with them and you never develop strategies yourself.’

The expert, who is widely regarded as an authority on the effects of bullying, explained that overprotective parents can fail to equip their children with the self-sufficiency they need.

He said: ‘They think they do a really good thing if they intervene all the time. But what they communicate to the child is: “My parents worry all the time because they think I’m useless”.’

If, for example, a child has never learnt to fall asleep on their own, their ‘default’ response is to scream for their parent because they haven’t learnt selfsoothing strategies.

He suggests setting children tasks that are slightly more difficult than they can manage easily to build their confidence and independence.

‘It gives them the feedback: “Wow, I can do that”. Often that’s taken away,’ he said. Speaking to the Times Educational Supplement, Professor Wolke continued: ‘The second part of overprotective parenting is that when their child gets bullied, then all hell sometimes breaks loose. They phone the school, they want meetings with the headteacher, they may phone the parents of the bully.’

Less-protective parents will not wade in and instead sit down with their child and try to work out a solution together, he said.

Claude Knights, chief executive of Kidscape, a charity that runs workshops for bullying victims and their parents, said: ‘We have mums not letting children out of their sight. One lad just wanted to go to the toilet and his mum was there, hovering outside the door.

‘You can improve children’s skills, but parents – in the blink of an eye – can take them right back to where they were.

‘They feel really positive and then parents take them back immediately: “Oh my gosh, are you all right? Come to Mummy”.’