He’s so obsessed with my bust

QUESTION: I’m a slim woman who wears a FF bra and have spent my life trying to stop men staring at my chest. My husband was fixated, so when we divorced two years ago I was determined to find someone who loved me for myself. I’m dating a man who seemed perfect, until he suggested that I wear lower-cut clothes and put on sexy bras in bed. How can I stop this obsession?

ANSWER: Some men can have terrible tunnel vision about breasts. I understand your frustration with the way your breasts seem to define how others react to you.

However, I also wonder if your weariness with a lifetime’s bad experiences means you can over-react to innocent appreciation. After all, you liked your new partner on all levels, until he suggested you wear lower-cut clothes. You assume your man is trying to show off your cleavage to the world, but perhaps he’s just encouraging you to be happy in your skin.

Look at Nigella Lawson: she’s a full-figured woman who is unapologetic about her curves and everyone else’s fascination with them. But a fabulous embonpoint doesn’t stop people admiring her cooking.

It’s also worth pointing out that for every man who likes a woman to don a push-up bra in bed, there’s another who likes stockings and a third who prefers nudity. In a way it’s not your partner who’s obsessed with your breasts, but you.

You let his appreciation of your figure overshadow all his other qualities to the point you might consider dumping him. You should talk to your partner about how you feel. He almost certainly believes he’s paying you compliments, rather than adding to a lifetime’s anxiety.

But you must lead by example. If you stop focusing on your bosom, I’m sure everyone else will seem less fixated, too.