Beat the lonesome blues
Reclaim your social life and home comfort
NOBODY wants to be lonely, yet for many older people, loneliness is ever-present and can feel like a life sentence.
Shockingly, new Age UK statistics reveal that in Britain, more than half of all people over the age of 75 live alone. And five million consider the television to be their main companion.
What’s more, around one million elderly people can go as long as an entire month without a chance to speak to anyone at all.
Joy, 88, from Stockport, found herself feeling very lonely after her husband passed away: ‘ My husband died and left me on my own. I managed to cope with things and get by at first.
‘But in the last two years it got very lonely and miserable. I saw my daughter once a week, but the rest of the time I was on my own with nobody to talk to. I thought, “This can’t go on with me by myself”.’
Thankfully, there are ways to beat loneliness. Life changed for the better after Joy started receiving home visits from her own personal befriender, John, arranged by her local Age UK.
The befriending service works by assigning an older person a volunteer befriender, who provides conversation and companionship through phone calls or visits, over a long period of time.
Age UK is appealing for support to fund such services to help older people feel more connected and less isolated.
Services also include lunch clubs, day trips, tea dances and exercise classes.
For others, a social group such as the Oddfellows, might be the answer.
This month, the 150 Oddfellows groups spread across Britain are highlighting the importance of friendship, by staging hundreds of free, or inexpensive, events in villages, towns and cities to make it easier for people who may be feeling lonely to re-engage.
‘Friendship Month’ events range from simple coffee mornings or friendship walks, to craft sessions or art displays, all with a welcome guaranteed.
ANOTHER solution to loneliness is to move in with your family, if they encourage this idea. It’s not a decision to be taken lightly, of course.
But it should bring big savings over residential care and can be a rewarding experience, if you all get along well.
It’s crucial for your family to consider privacy, care and safety issues. If you have mobility problems, you might need a stairlift fitted at some stage.
And does the bathroom have an accessible loo, shower or bath on the same floor as your bedroom? Your comfort is important, too. So if you spend a long time sitting down watching television during the day, you might need your own TV area and a really comfortable chair, as this can make a difference to your quality of life.
It means you can recline, relax and enjoy positional relief from aches and pains and circulation problems.
And if you go for a riser recliner, the chair will help you to get back up onto your feet without strain. Many of these chairs are bespoke as it is very important to get a correct fit, in terms of seat height, armrests and back support.
You can often buy a matching sofa, too, if you are looking for a suite. Go for British-made products, which offer high quality and meet all the regulations.
If a stairlift is needed, the brackets can be fitted easily to the stair treads,
through the carpet if necessary. So there will be no need for your loved ones to redecorate. Fitting takes just a couple of hours, following a survey.
Some stairlifts have retractable rails so that a section can be folded away in the hall to avoid obstructing a door, for example. And, as the seat also folds, there will be plenty of room to get past on the stairs. The bathroom might also need adapting to make it safer.
Here, a removable bath lift or bath cushion that lowers you gently to the bottom of the bath and back out again, could be the most affordable solution.
Some bathlifts take the form of a strong seatband that retracts into a slim, wall-mounted unit.
For a more permanent adaptation, consider a walk-in shower bath that can be used by all the family. A shower bath often comes with the option of a powered, removable seat that is easily taken out for cleaning or when other family members want to bathe.
Another possibility is an easy-access shower. These can look very stylish indeed, while providing safety features that everyone in the family might benefit from, including a sleek chrome grab bar and slip-resistant floor.
BUT perhaps you would rather maintain your independence by moving into a retirement living development — definitely a good way to overcome any sense of isolation.
Here, owners have their own front door, but with the reassurance of a lodge manager who runs the development, takes in deliveries, arranges activities and events for the owners and generally acts as a good friend and neighbour. Safety and security is provided through a 24-hour emergency phone and video-entry system.
Living in a retirement development can offer a new lease of life as many owners are able to try new activities and hobbies which can develop into real interests.
And get-togethers in the owners’ lounge might include coffee mornings, ploughman’s lunches, flower arranging demonstrations, cream teas, poetry readings, reflexology, chair aerobics, or massage and hairstyling demonstrations. Visits to local attractions or pub lunches are organised, and everyone can join in, no matter what their level of mobility.
Some developments even have a well-being suite where therapeutic and beauty treatments are available.
So there are ways to beat loneliness in later life. It can take a bit of planning, but a move might be the start of a much more rewarding phase of your life.