MIRANDA HART: MY, WHAT I CALL, LIVE SHOW

WHAT IS IT? The show was recorded at London’s O2 as part of Miranda’s firstever stand-up tour.

BEST JOKES: ‘I’ve been single for so long now, when somebody says to me: “Who are you with?” I automatically say: “Vodafone.” ’

‘My musical knowledge is so poor I thought Kanye West was a railway station and Lana Del Rey a holiday destination.’

The show starts with Miranda’s voice booming out: ‘Please welcome your hostess for this evening’s entertainment. She’s a beautiful, sexy, international sensation — and she’s written her own introduction!’

‘Anything goes at a party when you’re six. You can stuff your face and nobody will think you’re bulimic. You can gallop round the room and stand in the corner with your skirt above your head, and nobody bats an eyelid. Do it in your 40s and people frown. Take it from me!’

‘I have some advice for parents of troublesome teenagers — give them a taste of their own medicine. Get home from work, slam the front door, kick your shoes off and leave them in the corridor so everybody else trips over them, head to the kitchen, eat everything out of the fridge, storm upstairs to your bedroom, put on some music really loudly — I suggest Elaine Paige’s show on Radio 2 — come out of the room two hours later, ask them for money and see how they like it!’

‘I love Beyonce, I’d like to be Beyonce. She has a body to die for: hips: ten out of ten; thighs: ten out of ten; arms: ten out of ten; legs: ten out of ten. Hips ten; thighs ten; arms ten; legs ten. That sounds like one of my KFC orders.’

FAMILY VIEWING? A few swear words

and innuendo. LAUGH RATING: 7/10. COST: £10.