THINKING ABOUT IT ONLY MAKES IT WORSE

Guardian Books/ Faber £18.99 £14.05)

WOULD Mitchell consent to a DNA test? i think he may be my long lost baby. For how else to account for the fact his ideas, opinions and quirky thoughts uncannily concur with my own, up to and including an appreciation of ‘that grey look leafless trees get at dusk’?

i expected to dread this book. More fool me.

Mitchell is an exceptionally clever, eloquent and spot- on commentator, driven bonkers, as i am, by web designers and party planners; by the nonsensical rebranding of Marathon bars as snickers; by ‘apology extortionists’ who harp on about slavery or the empire or anything that this week is non-Pc; by people who say things like ‘proactively encourage’ when they mean ‘ actively encourage’ or just ‘encourage’; by politicians outlining ‘eye-catching initiatives’ when what they mean is they are making a routine speech; by the way at the BBC or in journalism ‘ everything is scrutinised for potential offence by jumpy compliance staff who endure no potential setback if the comedy output ceases to be funny’; by the way we are bullied to wear poppies; by the growing authoritarianism of the state and the police: ‘if we put tasers in our public servants’ hands, at some point they’ll use them on us.’

Mitchell rages against ‘ bland conformity’ and won’t stand for the debasement of language and feeling, when words are made useless by jargon and management idiots. there is nothing grumpy or cantankerous about his diatribes.

a genuine smart mind is on display here, as yet undimmed by gormless game show appearances. We should be grateful for him.

this is the Roger lewis Daily Mail Book of the Year, which will stop sales dead, but i don’t care.