LITTLE JOHN

OVER the past few years, this column has brought you some barking mad Proof of Identity stories. But this one takes the Jaffa Cake.

A 37-year-old woman was asked to prove she was over 18 when attempting to buy a pot of grapes and watermelon at a Tesco Metro in Plymouth. Kate Lancaster was told that the fruit must be ‘age verified in case natural fermentation takes place’ and it turns into alcohol.

The news comes as Public Health England has ordered supermarkets to stop selling bunches of daffodils alongside fruit and veg. And all because one family in Bristol, whose first language is not English, became ill after eating daffodils, which they confused for Chinese spring onions.

This would be the same Public Health England that spent £100 million on an expensive flu vaccine, which has proved effective in only 3 per cent of cases. More than 20,000 people have died of flu already this winter.

Yet they’ve got the time to waste on stupid edicts to supermarkets about the dangers of daffodils, simply because one family of non-English speakers suffered gippy tummies.

Perhaps they thought the daffs were dahlias. It was reported yesterday that growers have developed a range of edible dahlias, which will soon go on sale in Britain at £4.99 a pot.

Apparently, dahlias were popular with Aztecs 500 years ago, and are said to have significant health benefits.

I’ve no idea how many people of Aztec descent there are in Britain, but since Labour tore up our borders I shouldn’t be surprised to discover there’s a thriving Aztec community somewhere, probably Bristol.

Let’s hope they can tell the difference between dahlias and daffs. By all accounts the Aztecs liked a gargle, too, and were especially partial to a fermented drink called pulque, which tasted like cider.

If all else fails they could always brew some firewater out of grapes and watermelons — provided they can prove they’re over 18.