Ephraim Hardcastle

MISCHIEVOUS Lord Mandelson says broadcasters should not ‘empty chair’ David Cameron for failing to comply with their self-important TV debate demands. Labour’s in-house assassin backs the Tory PM, sneering: ‘They’re only broadcasters, not the House of Commons.’ His intervention is unhelpful to party leader Ed Miliband, who is pushing for a TV debate with Cameron. Does Ed ever regret saying of Mandelson: ‘All of us believe in dignity in retirement’?

HAVING left The Guardian, where he once hoped to become editor, to run BBC Two’s lacklustre Newsnight current affairs show, I hear Ian Katz, 47, might return to the ailing left-wing paper, succeeding its editor for the past 20 years, Alan Rusbridger, 61. Who, I am told, prefers Katz to any of the women offering themselves for the post. They’re hopping, apparently.

HAVE you noticed how the BBC – campaigning for TV election debates – repeatedly suggests that 22million viewers watched them in 2010? They don’t mention that 9.9million watched the first, 4.2million the second and 8.6million the third. Only by misleadingly adding all three figures together do they arrive at the dramatic-sounding 22million.

BLONDE TV presenter turned employment minister Esther McVey, 47, pictured, excites unspeakable passions in Wes tminster. Grizzled Labour MP Barry Sheerman, 74, referred to her as ‘hard-hearted Hannah’ during a debate. (Hannah was the ice-hearted subject of an Ella Fitzgerald hit song, described thus in the lyrics: ‘Leather is tough but Hannah’s heart is tougher/ She’s a gal who loves to see men suffer.’) Punish them, Esther!

WHY is Jeremy Clarkson ‘suspended’ from the BBC for allegedly punching a producer of his hit, money-spinning show, Top Gear, making a public crisis out of a trivial, private incident? A corporation source says: ‘We’re nambypambies now. Back in the day, Ronnie Corbett threw a bacon roll at his dresser, Denis. No one would have thought of suspending anyone for punching.’

SHADOW chancellor Ed Balls says ex-home secretary Alan Johnson is welcome to a Cabinet perch if Labour wins in May, vowing: ‘He would be in it like a shot.’ A political source says: ‘Ex-postie Johnson is enjoying life as a backbench MP and best-selling memoirist. He’d only consider a Cabinet position if it didn’t involve heavy lifting.’

CELEBRITY chef Marco Pierre White is to present cookery demonstrations for passengers on the new cruise liner Britannia, explaining: ‘When I spend time with customers, or the chefs, I’m sharing my knowledge. I’m sharing my story, and that’s what makes life wonderful.’ Quite so, but what if combustible Marco succumbs while at sea to one of his legendary rages? Mercifully, Britannia has 16 lifeboats.

SPOUTING on Radio 4 about the TV debates furore, the BBC’s ex-director general Michael Grade describes the row as a fracas. By pronouncing the final ‘s’, he makes the word sound ruder than is necessary. My Westminster source says: ‘Cockney geezer Lord Grade isn’t always reliable when it comes to French-sounding words.’

E-mail: ephraim.hardcastle@dailymail.co.uk