My hobby horse left me feeling giddy!

EvEryONE has a hobby to while away their leisure hours. Since retiring, i felt it was time to pursue new interests rather than indulge in my existing ones. So i took the plunge and had a tattoo of Spiderman etched on my upper arm. after that, if you’ll excuse the pun, i got the bug to have more iconic heroes illustrated on my torso. Batman, Flash Gordon, Superman and others quickly followed. the only character not to put in an appearance was the invisible Man. But i didn’t think anyone noticed. i thought i’d give clay pigeon shooting a shot, but the only thing i brought down was a kite. Not the feathered variety — but i did ruffle a few feathers and had to make a grovelling apology to the father of a child whose flying toy i damaged. i began collecting steins, but after searching for them on the internet i suddenly lost all my enthusiasm and concluded it was a mug’s game. i thought i should give jogging a go, but i didn’t want to wear shorts and expose my bleached white knees, so i bought myself a tracksuit. the next morning, i began to pound the streets. i thought i’d run to the sauna, which was five miles away, but ironically i ran out of steam before i got there and, stopping to catch my breath, i decided to throw in the towel and head home — on the train. tracksuit indeed! Somewhat disenchanted, i was suddenly inspired to buy a metal detector. i’d heard stories of people who’d discovered roman coins and ancient artefacts with the aid of the device. With a bit of luck, my new hobby could make me a mint and, of course, add a few more treasured trinkets to the British Museum. Without delay, i made a journey to Margate and struck out for the beach, where i began to scan the shoreline. a few curious heads turned in my direction, but i wasn’t fazed by the attention my searching had produced. in fact, it was about the only interesting thing i did manage to produce. Only once did i hear a buzz from my detector indicating a metal object was buried in the sand. Barely able to contain my excitement, i dug eagerly beneath the soft ground believing i was on the threshold of a monumental discovery. i was somewhat gutted when i unearthed a ring-pull. Following that episode, my interest in detecting waned considerably. i use it now only to discover if there are any coins down the back of my sofa. Finally, a friend suggested i should try something more daring such as hang-gliding, and my feet haven’t touched the ground since. Help!

Mike Smith, Chatham, Kent.