CID? It could be a bit of a circus!

ALL POLICE officers are supposed to be in possession of an identity card bearing their photograph. During my service in the CID, I mislaid mine — and to commit such a crime was considered very serious, with dire consequences. The decision to confess to such a misdemeanour would be fraught with danger and, for a detective officer in particular, a fate worse than death — being put back into uniform. But because it was rare for anyone to request a look at your ID, I did not find it hard to hide my carelessness, although it was always in the back of my mind that a supervising officer might one day ask to examine it. It was in that frame of mind that while in Blackpool one day with my family I was browsing in a gift and novelty shop. On the counter were lots of cards which were of the same proportions as the police identity cards. Laminated, in exactly the same measurements as the warrant cards, they depicted the face of a popular clown who appeared at the Tower Circus. He wore clown make-up and his name was emblazoned under his image. I bought the card and carried it with me for many years while at work. Some time later, my wife was gathering together some old clothing for a jumble sale and discovered my original warrant card in a pocket. I was able to breathe a sigh of relief. After that I produced it on one occasion only, and that was when I entered a pub of some notoriety in the centre of a district of even more notoriety. When I introduced myself to the landlord as a police officer, he snarled and stared at me. To my astonishment, when I took out my official card and showed it to him, he said: ‘I’ve never seen ’im in ’ere, mate.’ I have often thought I might as well have hung on to the clown’s image for all the use the real thing was.

Dennis Wood, Manchester.