What do you call a fight in an aquarium? Fishticuffs . . .
Following the addition to the Collins dictionary of words like ‘adorkable’, meaning someone who is endearingly geeky, and ‘bromance’, meaning a platonic friendship between two men, here is a further selection of freshly minted new words ripe for inclusion . . .
FACILITEA: Electric kettle in the corner of a hotel room.
FANDUNGO: Lively Spanish dance traditionally performed in a field recently vacated by well-fed cattle.
FANG SHUI: System of laws to govern spatial arrangement in the design of buildings in relation to the flow of sheer viciousness.
FAUX PARP: To break wind in polite company. FALSETTOE: Squeaky toe. FEEBULL: Lazy bovine that has frankly got better things to do than chase human beings.
FEEJORD: Long, narrow Norwegian inlet with access only by toll.
FENIMIST: Muddled feminist, eg ‘ I’ve always been a life- long fenimist,’ said top fashion designer Vivienne Westwood on BBC Question Time last night.
FENINNYAN: Irish republican with low IQ.
FEWSILLI: Disappointing serving consisting of just three small pieces of fancy pasta.
FIBORE OPTICS: The use of thin flexible transparent fibres to transmit extremely dull information.
FILET MEANGNON: Singularly tiny piece of beef served by costcutting chef.
FILIPUNO: Wisecracking native of the Philippines.
FILOFAGS: Wallet originally designed as a personal organiser converted to house cigarettes.
FILO TRAVELLER: Person of Leftwing or communist views who will go anywhere and do anything for a nice piece of flaky pastry.
FILM NWAARGH: Style of art-house film marked by a mood of pessimism, fatalism and repeated stabbings.
FIRST LADDY: Title to be used by former President Bill Clinton in the event of his wife’s election to the presidency.
FISHTICUFFS: A fight in an aquarium. FIZZZZZ: Late-night party that begins well but ends with everyone asleep.
FLAKY JACKET: Sleeveless combat jacket made of light pastry.
FLAMINAGO- GO: A snazzy nightclub for tall birds with pink plumage.
FLANTASIA: Walt Disney film involving animated savoury dishes.
FLASHBARK: Retrieved memory of being attacked by dog.
FLASHION: Style of clothing that is extremely popular, but only for a couple of days.
FLATULANT: Small, wingless insect much given to breaking wind.
FLATWA: An Islamic ruling that somehow fails to take off.
FLEUR-DE-LIE: Stylised flower on the coat of arms of Lord Archer.
FLIGHT BATH: The course of an aircraft as it plunges into water.
FLIPPANT: Small, wingless insect much given to inappropriate joking.
FLOPJACK: Biscuit made from oats and butter destined to come out of the oven all wrong.
FLOUTING VOTER: Member of the electorate who purposefully spoils his or her ballot paper.
FONDULL: To paw at one’s partner in an excessively dreary manner.
FORCHEWITOUS: Lucky encounter with a sticky toffee.
FORFEET: To be made to wear embarrassing shoes.
FOYEAH!: Area of theatre in which people shout at one another, thus distracting those in the auditorium.
FRANCHEYES: Chain of opticians.
FREUDIANA: School of psychoanalysis offering fresh insights into the late Princess of Wales.
FRICASSEA: Dish of stewed pieces of meat in a much too watery sauce.
FRIENZY: Over- enthusiastic gathering of close acquaintances.
FRISBEEN: Broken or abandoned frisbee.
FROMAGE FRAY: Fight conducted with cheese.
FRONT- RUINER: Election candidate who is both most likely to win and, after winning, most likely to fail, eg ‘ In the battle for the Labour leadership, Ed Miliband proved himself the clear front-ruiner.’
FRUIT CLOGTAIL: Alcoholic mixture with far too many bits of pineapple and cherry floating around in it.
FUDDY- BUDDY: Embarrassing friend who wears tweeds, smokes a pipe and votes to keep women out of the Garrick Club.