I’m scared my wife will leave our sexless marriage
bed, then I feel nothing but sympathy for you.
While I can understand a woman’s frustration/disappointment at a failing marital sex life, surely there is no excuse for mental cruelty. I wish people would realise that what really matters in a marriage is tenderness and mutual support, not sexual gymnastics.
That is why deep love can survive disasters like a disabling accident or an illness; it does not change with circumstances.
anyway, to add to that, you experienced fairly recent multiple bereavements, among them the loss of a man who meant the world to you. It’s interesting that you made a point of identifying all those relatives as male — as if that somehow has a bearing on deep misgivings about your own masculinity.
I’m guessing mourning has made you feel more vulnerable than ever. It sounds as if you are still suffering the trauma of grief for your father, probably made worse by the fact that your wife has (almost certainly — or is that unfair?) shown inadequate sympathy.
I confess I find her decision not to attend your father’s funeral hardhearted and disrespectful. When we also factor in your ongoing unemployment and the constant battering to your self-confidence of being rejected — then all the ingredients are in place for an explosion, such as a descent into real depression.
I don’t say things like that lightly. It’s because I want you to realise the depth of your unhappiness that I’m pushing you to tell everything to your GP and/or seek counselling.
your insecurity over your wife’s secret Facebook pal (he just would happen to be a martial arts expert, wouldn’t he?) is quite understandable. Like you, I wouldn’t take such a potentially dangerous situation lightly. But I wouldn’t mention it to her at the moment. you need positive development in your life — which is why I’m now going to suggest something which may seem rather eccentric.
Here goes . . . as well as immediately seeking proper professional help for all the issues you have raised, why not find out if there is a t’ai chi teacher in your neighbourhood.
Study (online or in a book) this fascinating, ancient mixture of meditative movement and ‘soft’ martial art — because I really feel that a new interest like that could be beneficial to you, doing wonders for your confidence on every level. It can provide the energy for change.
I meant to do all my work today- But a broen bird sang in the apple tree. And a butterfly flitted across the field, And all the leaves were calling to me.
Richard LeGallienne (English poet, 1866-1947)