Don’t be ashamed to ask for help

IN TODAY’S column I feature three letters, the second letter having two in one.

Can you see what they all have in common? Yes, each reader sees her problem as unimportant and feels ‘ashamed’ to be writing in.

Yet I don’t think any of these women should feel the slightest shame at being upset over something others might view as trivial, especially if set against the suffering in Nepal (to name but one place).

It’s only human to see our personal problems looming large in our own landscapes. I was thinking this when I wandered into our garden and saw two trees, which underline the thought that we all need help from time to time.

The first is a small apple tree so one-sided in its growth, so bent (especially now with the weight of blossom) that it can only stand by means of a sturdy timber my husband put in to hold it up. It made me reflect on how many of us need a good prop at times, to help us bear the weight of living, in all its complex beauty.

The second tree, a little crab apple, carries a similar (though subtly different) tale — as you can see from this picture. The tree had to be moved, was damaged and almost died.

It looked terrible, but my husband and a friend gave it a go — supporting the thin trunk with a frame and lashing it securely in the middle.

I didn’t believe it could survive — yet it’s sprouting blossom from top to bottom.

This is another metaphor, telling us that what’s damaged can be healed and even, with the right support, burst into flower. So the message is: it’s all right to need help. But — just occasionally — that help needs to take the form of a stout stick.

Bel answers readers’ questions on emotional and relationship problems each week. Write to Bel Mooney, Daily Mail, 2 Derry Street, London W8 5TT, or e-mail bel. mooney@dailymail.co.uk. A pseudonym will be used if you wish. Bel reads all letters but regrets she cannot enter into personal correspondence.