Ephraim Hardcastle
ED Balls’ shock exit from the Commons might come as a financial relief to writer Ken Follett. He gave Balls £204,094 during the last Parliament, including £115,494 in June 2010 to help fund his failed bid to become Labour leader. Had Balls been returned to Westminster he’d almost certainly have looked to Follett to bankroll his leadership bid. Perhaps Ed could feature in a follow-up to Ken’s historical novel, Fall of Giants? SOCCER fan Prince William was very keen for Prince Andrew to step down as president of the Football Association in 2006 so he could take over. He was certainly keener than presiding over the luvvie-in at the Baftas at the weekend, which he avoided for paternity reasons. My source says: ‘He has presented far more FA Cup trophies than Baftas. The question is, will he still be on paternity leave on May 30 – or in Wembley’s royal box?’ CELEBRATING the joys of croquet in Vanity Fair, Pippa Middleton – never short of an apt phrase – calls it ‘a great excuse for mingling with the opposite sex’. The 31year-old, pictured, adds saucily: ‘We used to play croquet at home and at friends’ houses. The boys always ganged up on the girls – my croquet balls were constantly being knocked into hedges and flower beds.’ Why so? Don’t ask! GAY rights campaigner Peter Tatchell, the losing Labour candidate in the infamous 1983 Bermondsey by-election won by Simon Hughes, reflects on the Lib Dem MP’s loss of his south London seat. ‘Commiserations to Simon Hughes,’ says the 63-year-old. ‘He was an assiduous constituency MP.’ How generous. Unmarried Hughes, 63, had openly targeted Tatchell’s homosexuality in 1983, telling voters it was a ‘straight choice’ between them and won by over 9,000 votes. In 2006, he admitted having sexual relations with both men and women. THE satirical TV show Newzoids will be glad that Nigel Farage will remain as leader of Ukip. The puppeteers went to considerable trouble to build a Nigel dummy with a swivelling eye. ACTRESS Helen McCrory, 46, describes her culinary skills in Stylist magazine: ‘I cooked chicken for my first ever boyfriend – and set the oven alight. He sat down to eat – then said, “Helen, I’m really sorry – I’m going to be sick!” The bird was black and charcoaled on the outside and bloody in the middle. Things aren’t much better now.’ Perhaps we should await confirmation from her husband – Wolf Hall star Damian Lewis, 44. WELSH chanteuse Charlotte Church, 29, joined an ‘anti-austerity’ protest in Cardiff. Presumably she was guided by experience. Last year it emerged that her fortune had dropped from £25million to £11million. She said: ‘I’ve got enough to be comfortable if I was reasonable for the rest of my life, but I’m not reasonable. So I will have to find a way to sustain my lifestyle.’