Getting over a bereavement ‘takes 2 years’

IT takes more than two years to get over the death of a loved one, research has shown.

The average person grieves for two years, one month and four days before they start to move on with their lives.

Many of those questioned in the survey of 2,000 who had experienced the death of a close relative or loved one said they had felt so lonely and heartbroken that they had considered suicide.

The research, for hospice charity Sue Ryder, also showed that women mourn for longer than men, taking six months longer to get through the experience.

The middle-aged seem to be feel the pain of bereavement particularly keenly, with 45 to 54-year- olds taking more than twice as long to begin to feel better as those in their teens and early twenties.

However, one pensioner who took part in the poll said it had taken 50 years to come to terms with a bereavement.

The survey also revealed the importance of having a support network. Those who had others to confide in felt better eight months earlier than those left to deal with their feelings alone.

Despite this, many admitted that they found it difficult to talk about their feelings, with men more likely than women to suffer in silence.

Some 24 per cent of men and 14 per cent of women said they had not been able to discuss their loss with anyone.

In some cases, people kept their grief to themselves because they were too embarrassed to admit that they felt scared about facing the future alone.

One in six said it felt as if no one knew what they were going through.

The charity, which also runs homes for people with dementia and other neurological illnesses, said that while no one ever really gets over a bereavement, having a support network can ease the pain and make it easier to move on. John Smeaton, Sue Ryder’s director of health and social care, said that talking about a bereavement can help people come out of denial and accept the death.

‘It helps people find a place for their loss, allowing them to accept it and carry on with their lives,’ he said. ‘I suppose, in some ways, a problem shared is a problem halved.’

He acknowledged that many don’t know how to broach the subject with someone who has been bereaved, with some fearing they will say something wrong. Mr Smeaton added: ‘Think about what you would want someone to say to you if you were in that situation.’

Heidi Travis, Sue Ryder’s chief executive officer, said the charity has set up a website that allows users to contact members of the public and palliative care nurses.

She said: ‘Bereavement can be a long and difficult process. Death affects everyone connected to that person and we hope our new online community and support will better support people during the most difficult time of their lives.’

‘Accepting the loss’