Dandy Laurence cracks China ... with his ceramic poodles!
The NeW middle-class is growing so quickly in China that entire new towns are being built in a fortnight. Naturally, new homes need to be furnished — which is where designer Laurence Llewelyn-Bowen makes his very flamboyant entrance.
In Laurence Llewelyn- Bowen:
Cracking China ( BBC2) he was introduced as ‘the bad boy star of Changing Rooms’, in a nod to the fact his work left those people whose homes he’d made over in tears — and not tears of joy.
having lost some valuable contracts in the UK, Laurence wanted to exploit the lucrative Chinese market and allowed a film crew to follow him there as he attempted to flog his brand, The house Of Laurence.
he agonised over which of his dandy- style suits to pack, aware that his look was very much part and parcel of the image.
Although China is a booming market, success is far from a given, as Tesco recently found out when it lost £1.5 billion trying to cash in.
First port of call was with a conglomerate of Chinese businessmen who could help get Laurence’s products into stores. In China, business starts with friendship, trust and the all-important handing over of gifts. When Laurence presented the bemused head of the firm with a giant framed picture of himself, it could all have gone horribly wrong.
As it turned out, the Chinese loved Laurence and couldn’t wait to do their homes up like Victorian brothels — especially after he told them it was the favourite style of Victoria Beckham and the Duchess of Cambridge.
MOST NAIVELY OPTIMISTIC REMARK: In BBC3’s Teenage Millionaire: The Year I Won The Lottery, Jane Park, 17, shunned professional financial advice. ‘Money can’t buy happiness but it can buy a jet ski and who looks sad on a jet ski?’ she said. If her party lifestyle was any indicator, she’ll be broke in a year.
Posh, egotistical and rude, he could so easily have come across as boorish and unlikeable but didn’t, because he was actually witty.
Jokingly, he referred to his agent, Debbie, as his ‘galley slave’ and teased other members of his team for looking like a ‘fat Jamie Oliver’ and — in the case of another unfortunate — ‘ a retired geography teacher from a minor prep school who’s fallen on hard times’.
The second part of the programme where Laurence visited Mexico wasn’t nearly as entertaining however, and could easily have been dropped altogether.
Despite his tacky trinkets not being to everyone’s taste, I imagine many viewers were relieved that Laurence appeared to do so well, not least because as he was very upfront about the venture being make or break for him.
‘honestly, if it doesn’t come off then you can expect to see me doing Strictly and eating kangaroo testicles in the jungle.’
As it was, he can now focus on producing millions of purple velvet cushions and ceramic poodles.
When it came to the contestants on Hair (BBC2), I couldn’t have cared less. They were competing for the title of Britain’s Best Amateur hairdresser in a series that’s been promoted from BBC3. In the first episode, the ten contestants had to create styles around an ‘architectural’ theme. So it was that the poor models ended up with versions of the Tyne Bridge and the London eye on their heads.
All the styles looked hideous, particularly one meant to resemble the Beijing Bird’s Nest stadium, but looked like a Christmas wreath. In the end, the challenge was won by Phil, who had created a skyscraper by using bits of cardboard with floor sweepings of hair stuck to it. hard to imagine that becoming the next ‘Rachel from Friends’ cut.
For the tie-breaker round, the contestants had 35 minutes to create . . . a ponytail. That’s a style most women can put together in 35 seconds. Desperate attempts were made to crank up the drama. There were shots of the contestants panicking, stern looks from the judges as well as presenter Katherine Ryan giving endless Masterchef- style countdowns: ‘Ten minutes to go, people.’
Celebrity hairdresser judges Denise McAdam and Alain Pichon did their best, but there must have been times when they were dying to burst out laughing.
Most women I know go to the hairdresser to look better, not appear as though they’ve spend the night sleeping in a skip.
The hairdressing puns came thick and fast, but as far as I’m concerned this show should have been snipped from the schedules and left to die along with BBC3.
Christopher Stevens is away.