Keybored at work? Then stop typing!
Following the recent addition of new words such as ‘twerk’ and ‘crowdfund’ to the oxford English Dictionary, here is a further selection.
J’ACCUSEY: Large French tub in which mechanical fingers automatically stick out and point at bathers, making them feel bad about themselves.
JACKPOTATO: Prize-winning starchy root vegetable.
JALAPENONONO: Prohibitively hot chilli pepper.
JALFREEZI: Indian dish served unusually cold.
JANUTTER: Unstable caretaker. ‘ The school janutter lost his rag and started calling the children names.’
JAPONICKER: Thief specialising in stealing brightly coloured Asian shrubs.
JARGONE: Manuscript edited
for cliché.
JARGONAUTS: Band of bureaucrats who accompanied Jason when he set out to fetch the Golden Fleece.
JASMINE: Everything that is not jasyours.
JEERSEY: Pullover with rude, mocking slogan printed on it.
JELLEGY: Poetic lament for departed wobbly fruit-flavoured dessert.
JEOPARDSKIN: Leopardskin that growls unexpectedly.
JEST LAG: Extreme tiredness caused by prolonged session of incessant giggling. ‘After the Ken Dodd show, we all went down with jest lag.’
JETTISONG: Recorded track not considered good enough for a finished CD. JIGGERY-PORK
ERY: Deceitful or dishonest behaviour among pigs.
JIGSORE: Puzzle which includes a piece that simply refuses to slot in, causing pain to the fingertips of the determined puzzler.
JIHADDOCK: Silvery- grey North Atlantic fish engaged in grim and merciless struggle to the end.
JIMJAMBOREE: Annual pyjama festival. ‘This year’s jimjamboree was a sea of blue-and-white stripes.’
JINGO: Excitable form of randomly drawn number game played by members of Ukip.
JINGULL: Large white seabird that simply won’t stop singing the same self- promoting tune over and over again.
JITTERBAG: Fast dance performed to swing music by a brown paper container. JMLUEB: Proper jumble. JUDASH: Person who betrays a friend then quickly runs away.
JODHPURR: Odd mewing noise emitted by riding breeches.
JOGGERY-POKERY: Deceitful or dishonest behaviour among slow runners.
JOGHOUSE: Place of punishment for slow runners.
JOJOBAN: Official prohibition placed on fashionable oil.
JOKEY SHORTS: Briefs for men on which a ribald slogan or cartoon has been printed.
JOLIE LARD: Person who is attractive despite being exceptionally fat.
JOSS STINK: Musty aroma emitted by hippy incense.
JUBILLEE: Diner who is left with the bill after a special anniversary celebration.
JUKEBOGS: Public conveniences within which canned music is played. ‘ The occupant sat in the jukebogs listening to a medley of the hits of Andy Williams.’
JUMBOW: Farewell action performed by circus elephant to acknowledge applause.
JUNGTA: A military or political group which rules a country by force, via a system of unconscious archetypes.
JUSTISH: Fair treatment, or pretty much so.
KADGEREE: Dish of smoked fish, rice and hard-boiled eggs so tasty that everyone asks if they can have some.
KALASHNICOUGH: Splutter emitted by a faulty submachine gun.
KAMA SUITRA: Ancient treatise on the art of love between office workers.
KAMI-KHAZI: Deliberate suicide dive down
a lavatory.
KANGURU: Personal spiritual teacher who can’t stop themselves jumping about.
KAPUTT: A gentle stroke with a golf club which hits the ball across the green but goes straight past the hole and off the other side, into the rough.
KARATEA: Afternoon tea-related ritual composed of sandwiches and scones, all served with violent swipes.
KAYAKYAKYAK: Interminable conversation conducted in a canoe.
KEBARB: Grilled pieces of meat, fish, or vegetables served with no one realising that the skewer has been left in.
KERFLUFFLE: Commotion or fuss
caused by something soft and fuzzy.
KEYBORED: To have lost interest in a typing job.
KEYNOT ADDRESS: Talk by a dreary, self-important speaker, singled out as worth avoiding by conference members. ‘I see Will Hutton is making the keynot address at the Business Conference this year. Let’s take the opportunity to grab a bite to eat.’