I’D HAVE WON THE X FACTOR!
Cilla on fame, drugs — and epitaph she wanted
ON DRUGS . . .
‘I PUFFED away (on a cannabis joint in 1965) diligently and waited. Well, I can tell you it wasn’t nice. I didn’t feel the slightest bit “turned on”. The joint did nothing for me except, for some reason, make me want to swear. On top of that I began to feel more and more queasy. Eventually I was very sick indeed.’ ‘I NEVER did acid, I am just so high anyway.’
ON HER FIGURE . . .
‘BECAUSE I was so slim at that time [1966] and had never sprouted much in the way of breasts, Frankie Howerd described me as “the girl with two backs”!’
ON THE CRITICS . . .
‘BOBBY could lay out 20 articles in which people had written nice things about me, but I would still find the one that criticised me and be crushed by it. I wanted Everybody to love me, but I realised that there would always be some people who couldn’t stand the sight of me.’
ON STARDOM . . .
‘ONCE you’re the star — the headliner — you get treated like a totally dependent, helpless baby, or a Ming vase from China, something so rare and fragile you might shatter into a thousand pieces.’
ON AMERICA . . .
‘I WOULD have loved to have cracked America. When I tried, I got homesick. Then, when I was in New york, my nanna died and I just wanted to come home.’
ON HER TALENT ...
‘TODAY I’d be first in the queue for The X Factor and there’s no doubt whatsoever that I’d win.’ ‘I WAS so ordinary critics couldn’t understand it, but looking back that was the reason for my success. What you see is what you get. People thought: “I could do that.” Well maybe they could, but as Bobby used to say: “Go and do it, then.” ’
ON DOMESTIC LIFE . . .
‘MY IDEA of baking is buying a ready-make cake mix and throwing in an egg.’
ON THE SIXTIES . . .
‘IT WASN’T rock ’n’ roll at all . . . We were too busy working our socks off and making the Sixties swing for other people.’ ‘I HAD a one-track mind. My career was all-important . . . You had to be like that in the Sixties. It was me, me, me. At times I was difficult, but I got what I wanted, didn’t I? It paid off.’
ON TV STARDOM . . .
‘TV FOUND me. I was offered jobs. It came in handy when I started having babies. Just one night’s work and then I could go home.’ ‘I’M quite subdued . . . I switch it on for the camera.’ ‘I HANDED in my notice on Blind Date live on air because I thought if I didn’t do it then I’d sign for another two years. I thought: “I need me-time now.” ’ ‘ON MY gravestone I want, “Here lies the singer” not, “Here lies the TV presenter”.’
ON AGEING . . .
‘I DON’T think you need Botox and I don’t think you need facelifts. I had Fraxel [skin resurfacing laser treatment] once and it nearly killed me. I looked like the elephant Man. Anyway, what’s the point of having a tight face when the rest of your body is like this?’ ‘I INTEND to grow old very disgracefully.’