Can this woman match you with a millionaire?
She’s the world’s leading dating expert who’s seeking a wife for a VERY wealthy bachelor. So could HANNAH BETTS make the grade
My skin is amazing. i look good on a horse. My swearing is ‘cute’. And i am by turns ‘precious’, ‘raw’, ‘deep’ and ‘real’. i am also, and here comes the dealbreaker, too old.
it’s not often you receive an account of your shortcomings to your (blushing, aged) face. yet, here i am, standing in a figurehugging frock, being assessed — and rejected — for possible romance. still more curiously, the individual i am being sized up by is a woman — not just any woman, but the world’s leading matchmaker.
‘Love architect’ kailen Rosenberg has played Cupid to countless people looking for love during her 22 years in the business. The 48-yearold life coach and former model is media mogul Oprah Winfrey’s favourite relationship expert and the go-to girl for every A-list couple in a crisis (although maddeningly she’s tightlipped about who).
Her latest, and most intriguing commission is to seek out a soulmate for a ‘charming’, but as yet unidentified American millionaire, tired of women after his cash not his character. Thrillingly, kailen is bringing her search to our shores. single women everywhere, i give you a real-life fairy tale. A kind, sensitive, compassionate, gentlemanly 34-year-old cowboy, complete with rugged, rock star looks, and a new puppy, is looking for love in Great Britain.
Our hero is an ‘old soul’, longing for happiness after a turbulent past, hunting for a woman to love him for who he is: a man who loves the outdoors and yearns to start a family — who also, thanks to family money, just happens to be rich as Croesus.
And i, and so far hundreds — doubtless soon thousands — of British hopefuls are going all out to impress the matchmaker who will decide his fate.
kailen, the woman with our future in her hands, is a boho beauty with glinting green eyes and, she says, an ability to sniff out a gold-digger at a hundred paces. i don’t doubt her. Learning that
Kailen is about to interview her first shortlist of 60 applicants — drawn from a longlist of 600 — I elbow my way to the head of the queue. The initial vetting is virtual, via my laptop.
The description of the millionaire on Kailen’s site mylovedesign.com says he is: ‘A mid-30s, gentle spirited man from one of the world’s most prominent aristocratic families, sophisticated and well-mannered with a passion for adventure.’
It continues: ‘He enjoys everything from snowboarding in Japan to free diving in the ocean, deep-sea fishing to ranching in the mountains. What makes him truly special is he’s as comfortable in a black tie as he is jeans and flannel; having a passion for art, history and philanthropy, he regularly attends fundraising galas.
‘He wants to start a family. More than anything, he is looking to find the love of his life.’ Swoon!
In turn, I am informed this mildmannered millionaire is looking for: ‘A 20s to 30s female who has had an upbringing of sophistication, yet shares his interests in the outdoors.
‘She should be down-to-earth, naturally pretty; someone who is comfortable without make-up in jeans, but can transition into an Alexander McQueen gown; knows how to do a place setting, but is comfortable with him skinning fresh fish. She will appreciate his strong beliefs in being a steward of the land and not be intimidated by wealth.’
Slight problem number one: I am 44, and imagine lying is not the best way into a relationship. I can demonstrate surprising agility when pushed. As I write, I am covered in bruises from a week in the Highlands with my outdoorsy brothers. But I am not what one would term ‘sporty’. My exercise routine involves wielding a mascara wand.
However, the phrase ‘steward of the land’ sets me all purring and hairtossing. And, in other respects, Wonder Boy and I sound spot-on. Art and history — tick. I don’t do flannel, but am happy in pyjamas. I know which knife and fork to use, would give my right arm to ‘transition’ into any Alexander McQueen, and am entirely unintimidated by wealth.
NEXT step: composing my own dating description. This is, of course, mortifying and I come out in hives at the mere thought of selling myself. Rigid with shame, I type: ‘I am a witty and cultured english woman, who studied and taught at Oxford, and am now a successful writer. I love literature, art, opera, perfume, poached eggs, being by the sea, dogs, trees, tea, impeccable manners and children.
‘I’m curious about the world; fascinated by the past and energised by the future; at ease dressing up, yet happy dressing down. I have enjoyed my single adventures, but am ready to fall in love for life. I look forward to sharing Britain’s National Portrait Gallery, Naples and ancient Troy with my beloved.
‘My ideal first date: a quest to Italy’s Amalfi coast for Pompeii and pizza.’ Amazingly, this works, and an email informs me I am through round one — despite my status as an aged crone.
On, then, to my first, fateful matchmaker encounter, conducted via Skype. Kailen is sporting a baseball hat bearing the legend: LOVE. I have put my laptop on a box so she is not forced to look up at me from beneath several chins. We get on like a house on fire, and I persuade her to see me in person, despite my being 4,004.
It is immediately evident that Kailen is really nice — smart, funny, genuinely a fan of the man who has employed her services, and committed to finding him the woman of his dreams. She is also, as she makes clear, ‘impossible to con’, despite my bringing her a British bribe — a jar of Marmite. I decide to get the upper hand by interviewing her.
How did she get into matchmaking? ‘I became a life coach in the early Nineties,’ she tells me, ‘back when we called it “image consulting”. What I was doing was introducing people to who they really were. If they can’t get that right, then they’re never going to meet the right person. And, then, when they were ready, I began to introduce them to people.’
Since then, Kailen has been responsible for hundreds of marriages, only one of which has ended in separation — a staggering success rate considering half of American marriages — and 42 per cent of British ones — end in divorce. Her clients are 70 per cent female: ‘ Women are more emotional, gutsy and willing to take a risk to find their guy.’ ‘Like me and your guy,’ I beam, fluttering my eyelashes. By now, I am gagging to know who our hero is. Kailen bats away my questions. No, he is not ‘some minor Kennedy’. No, the reason he is single is not because he is a cowboy ‘as in the cowboy in the Village People,’ ie, gay. Nor is he ‘the family idiot’, or of tiny proportions.
‘Think: 5ft 10ish, sharp as a tack, a “real man’s man”, who can fix his own fence, yet learned to cook in Paris. He looks like a rock star, being that fabulous thing: a good boy who looks bad.
So he’s after a willowy, supermodel? ‘No!’ cries our matchmaker, ‘he’s not looking for a perfect ten, not even a nine or an eight. He wants a woman who’s healthy, but not obsessed. He’s not going to criticise if she puts on 10lb. He wants down-to-earth, not perfect.’
So why is this paragon single? ‘Well, there are some negatives,’ she acknowledges. ‘He doesn’t come from a big, happy family. He’s lost almost everyone in his life. There’s pain in his past. It’s kept him real, taught him that what matters is nothing money can buy. There was a phase of rebellion, but he’s healed.’
TYPICAL woman that I am, this last revelation has me hook, line and sinker — a troubled rebel with a back story and a puppy? — bring it on. We normal types may imagine the lives of the rich and famous are gilded, but Kailen knows otherwise: ‘I remember thinking: “How exciting, my first billionaire, my first celebrity.” But, there can be so much that is broken. They have it so much more difficult when it comes to finding love.
‘Their identity can become who they are in regard to money or celebrity. Some come with a big ego and say: “cost is no problem. Find me this.”
I wish I could share names, given a few things that are going on right now! But, I don’t care who they are. I work with the ones who come in humility and say: “It looks as if I can have anyone I want, but I need real love.”
‘Many of them no longer know who loves them for them. The man I’m helping is so not his money. He is a true gentleman who wants a soul mate. you can’t buy that.’
Although, obviously — through Kailen’s skills — we’re hoping he can.
Why is she bringing her hunt to Britain? Don’t our notoriously medieval teeth put them both off? She laughs: ‘My guy’s family is originally from Wales and he loves British women. There’s a sharpness and sophistication, a different level of intelligence one can tap into.’
Which is not to say there haven’t been lapses in taste among her British applicants. ‘Oh, my Lord!’ Kailen winces, ‘ you would not believe the photos we’ve had — boobs out, pouting, selfies taken in the bathroom.’
Of the images I submitted — one in an evening dress, one on a horse — Kailen would have rejected the first (‘too done’), but adored the second: ‘you look so natural, feminine, free!’
Many of the profiles emailed in have also been dull as ditchwater. Think the standard internet dating fare: ‘I work, keep fit, see friends, go out, stay in, and like curling up on the sofa with a glass of red wine.’ I score highly for poached eggs and sounding like ‘ a student of life’. I take this as a good sign, students being young.
But, Kailen has, of course, been sizing me up all along, and, alas — our millionaire needs a baby mama — and forty-something won’t cut it.
She sighs: ‘If you weren’t 44, I’d say: “Oh my Lord, I LOVE her.” If you’d told me you were 34, I’d say you and this man would like each other, have fabulous conversations, and get on really well. He’d love your look, and there would be chemistry. But, he wants to be a father. If you were 35 or 36 . . . but 44 is not fair to him baby-wise.’
By way of consolation, Kailen does have some eligible bachelors of my vintage up her sleeve, and advises: ‘Learn from past relationships, good and bad. Make values, integrity, character, family and friends the highest on your list of must-haves. And don’t disregard those short, bald, not-so-buff men — they can make amazing partners.’
‘But, Kailen,’ I wail, ‘I want my cowboy! you and I get on, you think he and I would get along, what if I’m his true British love?’
She pats my arm: ‘If I get to the end of my search and still haven’t found what I’m looking for — and can’t get you out of my mind — then, believe me, I’ll be in touch.’
I may be ancient, I may have ever-shrivelling ovaries, but, readers, I am in with a chance.