High-flyers who are far happier being stay at home mums
Feminazis will rage. But here three career women confess they are ...
WHEN Emma Bird announced her pregnancy last year, she was determined to return to her career within six months. She had never been the ‘maternal type’ and simply couldn’t picture herself at mother-and-baby groups and infant music classes.
‘It just wasn’t me,’ she says. More to the point, she loved her job. Aged 35, she owned a graphic design business and earned as much as £60,000 a year, making her the main breadwinner. She and her husband, Simon, a project manager, led a very comfortable life with a stunning home set on a private estate in Buckinghamshire, a shiny new BMW and several exotic holidays a year.
Motherhood would do nothing to change that ... or so Emma thought.
Then, last December, she gave birth to Ottilie and experienced a shift in mindset so dramatic that it surprises her to this day.
She explains: ‘From the second I held Ottilie, I realised nothing was as important to me as this little girl. The love I felt for her was overwhelming.
‘During my maternity leave, I was still getting calls from clients, but I’d switch my phone off — I didn’t want anyone to ruin the time I had with my daughter.’
Not only did she not want work to encroach on those first precious months, but as time passed and Emma fell more in love with motherhood, she felt compelled to make a life-changing decision.
‘After eight months, I got so far as booking a nanny but the day before she was due to start I couldn’t do it,’ she says. ‘I was in tears and couldn’t bear to be apart from Ottilie. I just wanted to be a mum. You get your head bitten off by feminists if you admit it, but even though I was great at my job, motherhood makes me happier.’
Becoming a mother had changed her priorities in ways she could never have imagined: the ‘non-maternal’ Emma even found herself practising attachment parenting, which meant on- demand breastfeeding, sleeping by her baby’s side at night, and wrapping Ottilie in a papoose during the day.
Most significantly, she gave up her job — a move that obliterated their hefty household income and will eventually mean the family has to downsize to a smaller home.
Although her clients were supportive, many who knew Emma couldn’t believe the U-turn. ‘This isn’t the career-focused Emma they all knew, and I can’t believe I’m like this either.’
So, is this proof that becoming a mother blunts ambition? It’s a question that will no doubt ruffle many feathers — and strike horror into the hearts of employers.
For although Emma was her own boss, she isn’t the only high-flyer to have found herself rejecting a much-loved career in favour of staying at home with her baby.
NOWONDER 40 per cent of managers surveyed last year controversially admitted that they were reluctant to hire women of childbearing age. The cost and disruption to their businesses, as they are forced to cover maternity leave, plus the training involved in replacing key members, make many see women as a bad bet.
Under British law, women are entitled to 52 weeks’ maternity leave — yet they can leave it until the 52nd week to tell their employer whether they’ll be back. And it is illegal for an employer to ask.
Although more women than ever are returning to work after having a baby, Britain still has one of the lowest rates of working mothers in Europe.
If parenting forums are anything to go by, more and more mothers, despite their intentions, admit that returning to their career after giving birth fills them with horror.
Inflexible working conditions or long commutes are often cited. But as educated career women such as Emma admit, the mother/child bond is stronger than they ever imagined. Emma explains: ‘There was no way I wanted to miss so much of Ottilie’s life.
‘I don’t want a nanny or anyone else to bring up my child. Nothing is more important to me than being a mum.
‘I used to think nothing of buying clothes and have a wardrobe full of shoes, but that’s in the past. None of that matters to me any more. It’s just “stuff”, whereas I’ll never get these years of my daughter’s life back.’
But as with most families, Emma cannot give up work entirely because there are still
bills to be paid. ‘I fit in a bit of design work when she’s sleeping or at the weekend when Simon is here. I’ll earn £15,000 — a quarter of my old salary — but that’s fine.
‘My life is all about what Ottilie needs, not what Simon or I want.’
It’s not just new mothers with babies who are giving up their careers. Women with older children are also admitting they would rather forgo their salaries to be there for their children.
Jane Lee, a 45-year-old mother of three — Olivia, seven, and five-yearold twins, Lauren and Alana — is another who gave up a highpowered career to be with her children. Last December, she quit her £52,000-a-year role as an airport operations manager.
‘You can have all the money in the world but it won’t buy you precious time with your children,’ says Jane, who is married to Jon, 36, a project manager, and lives in Croydon.
Jane loved her job, and rose through the ranks to be a major player at several UK airports. ‘I earned around £60,000 after my bonus, and Jon has a good income, too, so money was something we never had to think about,’ she says.
‘I used to say: “Shall we go away this weekend?” and we’d jet off to wherever we fancied. We ate out a lot and I loved being able to buy clothes without having to budget.’
Atthe age of 38, Jane gave birth to Olivia. ‘Suddenly, the money didn’t matter — I wanted to spend every moment with my baby girl,’ she says.
Despite appealing to her employer to try part-time work, they wouldn’t budge. She felt she had no option but to resign — something which upset her greatly.
her status, salary and relationship with colleagues had been a huge part of her life, but they paled into insignificance compared with her love for her child. When the twins were born two years later, money was becoming so tight that Jane realised she would have to start earning again.
‘I was offered a job with a good salary. It meant being away from home three days a week, but I took it.
‘Yes, I was earning good money, but we were having to pay out £1,500 a month for childcare, and sometimes I’d ring home from Glasgow or Liverpool to say goodnight to the girls and they wouldn’t want to talk to me. Or I could hear them crying in the background. It broke my heart.
‘When I was home, I’d be answering emails and constantly taking calls. I remember once Olivia saying to me: “Mummy, you said we’d see more of you, but we don’t see you at all.”
‘I wanted to be doing the school run and making dinner for them when they got home. I wanted to be the person who gave them a cuddle when they were crying.’ And so last year, the couple decided Jane would quit her job.
‘It’s a lot of pressure on Jon and he has a decent salary, but our income has dropped by around £50,000 and it’s tight on the purse strings,’ says Jane.
‘Before, I didn’t even think about what food I put in the supermarket trolley. today, I have to budget carefully. Weekend trips abroad are a thing of the past and we don’t always get an annual holiday. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss all that just a little bit.’ But of her pared-back lifestyle she says: ‘Some women might think I’m mad to give up my job, but I’ve never been happier. the stress of working and missing my children was taking its toll. I constantly felt ill and tired, and I was always ratty.
‘Now I wake up each day and think: “thank God — I get to be at home with my girls.”’
It’s not only mothers earning big salaries who make the decision to ditch their careers. Aimee Foster, 34, was earning just above the £26,500 average UK salary in the civil service and intended to return after she had her daughter, Susie, now six.
‘I could have a holiday every year, and pretty much buy what I wanted, so I couldn’t imagine not having a salary,’ says Aimee, who lives in the New Forest with husband Frank, 37, a firefighter, and their children, Susie and Freddy, one. ‘ After nine months’ leave, I went back to work, but it was a nightmare.
‘ Susie would scream when I dropped her off at the nursery, which broke my heart. I’d grown up with my mum staying at home and I wanted the same for my own daughter. I wanted to see the little milestones she was achieving.’
Aimee quit after a month and the couple dipped into their savings, which afforded them a year without her having to work.
‘ When the savings ran out, I looked around for part-time office work, but when we added up how much I’d be earning and how much we’d be paying for childcare, I’d have ended up with something like £100 a month,’ says Aimee.
‘It’s been tough and we’ve had to tighten our belts. We’ve had to cut down on food. We haven’t had a holiday in five years and Frank and I never buy clothes for ourselves.’
But she has no regrets: ‘I’ve never been happier. It’s all been worth it because I’ve been able to spend these formative years with my children. I know that not every woman has that choice.’