Cooking up a comedy gem
QUESTION Does anyone recall a Peter Cook and Dudley Moore sketch about ‘The Glidd Of Glood, who would wander nude’? This was a very clever and surreal poem filmed by the BBC for Pete and Dud’s Not Only But Also show.
To save money, the BBC used to wipe old material from its tapes, including this series, classic editions of Top Of The Pops and many others, such as Cook’s 1973 BBC chat show Where Do i sit? But the relevant Not Only But Also episode survives.
Peter plays a Glidd, a lord who rules from his remote castle (Bodiam castle in East sussex was used for the sketch). he’s mean and nasty to his subjects, and keeps all his treasures in a large brown parcel which he wears all the time as his only ‘clothing’. Aside from that, he’s naked. ‘The Glidd Of Glood would wander nude
throughout his spacious castle. So everyone could plainly see his huge brown paper parcel.’ Despite his riches he is mean and cruel: There’s never been a man so mean he
didn’t mind the cold, When clothes grew old their value goes, unlike a piece of gold.’ he forces others into abject acts of forced servility: ‘His servants all were quite appalled at
everything he did Yet no one dared to say a word, they
feared the cruel Glidd For he could kill a man at will, his
power was absolute, And every night at half past eight they’d smile and kiss his foot.’ The Glidd is entertained by a jester (played by Moore): ‘When in the mood the Glidd of Glood
would have a bit of fun, With Sparquin the court jester, a man
of 81, Who’d say: Sayeth thee, I say, I say, who
does not love our king, I bid you stay and raise your hand — but no one ever did.’ he whispers sweet lies to the Glidd: ‘We love him so because we know that
nowhere could we find A man so generous and true, so gentle and
so kind Oh lovely Glidd, we love you so, I kiss
your knee I suck your toes, Oh lovely Glidd, don’t ever go.’
When the Glidd finally meets his maker, no one is sorry to see him go: ‘The Glidd fell ill, a sudden chill, Surreal nonsense: Peter Cook and Dudley Moore in The Glidd Of Glood
and very soon he died, The funeral was a gay affair and not a
Gloodite cried They drank and sang, the church bells
rang and there was a dance, no flowers decked his grave save one, signed Sparquin, South of France.’ Then we see Dud/sparquin grinning and sunning himself on a beach with Edith Piaf singing M’lord in the background. The poem ends with the caution: ‘And here’s the moral of this tale of greed
and gross deceit If God asks you for all of your cash, do ask for a receipt.’ The Glidd Of Glood was borrowed from Peter Cook’s never-to-be finished book of children’s verse, and if this poem is anything to go by, it’s a great shame that it remained incomplete.
having had the honour to work with Peter as his stand in/double on Black Adder and supergirl, i found him to be a very pleasant and funny guy.
Danny D’Arcy, Reading, Berks. QUESTION Which is the largest privately owned yacht of all time? ThE current biggest sailing yacht in the world is sea Cloud, originally owned by Marjorie Merriweather Post (1887-1973), heiress to the Postum Cereal Company and once the wealthiest woman in America.
her second husband, stockbroker and yachtsman Edward f. hutton, introduced her to sailing aboard his three-masted schooner hussar, 202 ft (62 m). Together they built an even-larger yacht, hussar ii, designed by Cox & stevens and built by friedrich Krupp in Kiel, Germany.
Launched in 1931, it had panelled saloons and seven lavish cabins. When the couple divorced, Post kept the yacht and renamed her sea Cloud. she served as a patrol vessel for the u.s. Coast Guard during World War ii, and in 1955 was sold to the Dominican republic dictator rafael Trujillo, who renamed her Angelita. After his overthrow, she was acquired by Clifford Barbour, who renamed her Antarna.
New German owners rescued her from neglect in 1978 and called her sea Cloud again. The yacht now charters in the West indies during winter and in the Mediterranean in summer, operating with 60 crew and 34 cabins. she is 316 ft 1 long (96.35 m).
The largest British-built sailing yacht, and the fifth largest in the world, is the M5 (ex-Mirabella V). Built by VT (formerly Vosper Thorneycroft) in southampton, she is 257 ft (78.4 m) long.
Designed by ron holland for Joe Vittoria, an American yachtsman, she boasts a fullbeam master suite, six double cabins, a saloon, dining room, gymnasium and sauna. her carbon-fibre mast is the world’s tallest, a towering 290 ft (88.3 m) with more than 4,000 sq ft of sail.
The world’s largest motorised yacht is the Azzam. Worth £350 million, designed by Nauta yachts, built in Bremen by Lurssen Werft and launched in 2013, she was commissioned by Khalifa Al Nahyan, the president of the united Arab Emirates. she is 590 ft long (180 m) and boasts a 94,000 horsepower engine capable of reaching 30 knots.
Catering to the austere tastes of its owner, she has no recreational spaces or bars. Consequently she’s not as valuable as the second-largest yacht, roman Abramovich’s 536 ft (163.5 m) long Eclipse, worth more than £600 million. Eclipse features an armour-plated master suite, two swimming pools, two helipads, a hall, a cinema, a mini-submarine and even its own missile defence system.
Edward Cook, Brighton. QUESTION Does anyone recall the words to a monologue incorporating the names of cigarette brands being sold in the Fifties? This was a rather rude rhyme that began: ‘senior service who is a Bachelor took Miss Players to see the Guards, along the strand, through the Embassy and down Park Drive Lane . . .’
The monologue becomes too rude to be quoted here (it involves a King size and Golden Virginia), but she eventually ‘produced a little Cadet. Which only goes to prove you should always use a filter Tip!’
Kathleen Farmer, Tonbridge, Kent. QUESTION Do Norwich FC wear yellow in honour of Colman’s mustard? FURTHER to the earlier comment, the original Norwich City ground was, indeed, located on Newmarket road. however, in 1908 City moved to The Nest, which was near rosemary road, not Newmarket road, in Norwich.
There are many photographs of The Nest, which was built in a disused quarry, showing spectators standing on a steeply banked side. in 2011 a sculpture was erected marking the site.
Andy Elvin, norwich.