JONATHAN CAINER

Hi Jonathan, Your discussion about what constitutes ‘The end of the world’ has got me thinking. Couldn’t we say it happens every moment, with a new world emerging each time one heartbeat follows another? Gary. Dear Gary, We could. Hi Jonathan, In reply t

ARIES Mar 21 — Apr 20 OUR entire education

system rests upon a single, central, premise. Every question has an answer! If such a supposition is superseded, how can anyone ever hope to teach anything? There must be absolutes or we will all end up in chaos. You are now wrestling with a slippery argument. You can look at a situation one way, or you can look at it from a different point of view. Keen though you may be to pin it down and force it to make sense, you may have to accept that no harm can come of an uncertainty. Anxious? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5601.

TAURUS WHY are some

Apr 21 — May 21 footballers paid more than teachers? Perhaps because they reflect an ingrained impulse in humanity. We all need to feel we have someone to cheer for. Sport gives us the ability to take one side against another. To say that ‘this is good’ and ‘that is bad’ and to revel in the camaraderie of many likeminded people. Do we have to justify our belief? No! Nor need we be guided by education or information. We can cheer for whoever we choose! Yet what is being debated in your life

now, is not a question of sport. Worried? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5602.

GEMINI May 22 — June 22 WHAT makes you

the same as me and me the same as you? We are both alive and have an absolutely equal right to life. Or do we? Does my claim count for more than yours? If there is only enough air left in this room for one of us to breathe, is it not more important that you should have it? Happily, whether rightly or wrongly, the cosmos does not make such calculations. Only humans do that and they invariably get them wrong! The universe is being generous to you today. Don’t ask why, just be glad. Confused? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5603. CANCER WHEN we wish

June 23 — July 23 to recommend caution, we may say ‘don’t push your luck’. While this may be wise advice under some circumstances, it conveys the unfortunate implication that luck is something that does not respond well to being pushed. Yet as every old-school pinball player will testify, there is a point where placing gentle pressure on the machine can increase

the chance of a high score and then a point past which a ‘Tilt’ renders the game null and void. You can get that delicate balance absolutely right

today. Uncertain? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5604.

LEO July 24 — Aug 23 ‘MONEY can’t buy you

love, but it can get you a better class of enemy.’ So observed the late, great Spike Milligan. Was he correct? That hardly matters. He was a comedian. His remark was very funny. It is worth acknowledging here that an acutely observed truth can often amuse us in a way no web of deception, no matter how well spun, could do. Truth is priceless like that. Love is, too. And money? What is that, ultimately, but an illusion and thus a deception? It cannot get you anything you truly need today. Anxious? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5605. VIRGO SOME people are

Aug 24 — Sep 23 scared of their own shadows. But then many psychologists would insist that’s appropriate. They would say we all have a shadow. We may think of ourselves as light, bright, heroic, generous, wise and kind. Yet at times, we can all be fearful, foolish, needy and greedy. We don’t even realise which aspect of our personality is taking charge. The current climate is conducive to success, but it doesn’t render you immune from an unnecessary

anxiety. Trust the cosmos today. Worried? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5606.

LIBRA

REMEMBER the Sep 24 — Oct 23

caterpillar in Alice In Wonderland? Or the elderly master in the old Kung Fu TV series? How seriously should we take such purported purveyors of wise advice? Are they spouting gobbledygook? Or could we learn more in a few moments with them, than in a lifetime of striving alone for enlightenment? Consider how, if you had to, you would convey your view of a baffling situation. You are closer than you know to a valuable insight. What you know you don’t know, is the key to what you need to know. Confused? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5607. SCORPIO ‘ORANGES’, as the

Oct 24 — Nov 22 author Jeanette Winterson famously observed, ‘are not the only fruit.’ To be clear, your forecast today is not a commentary on the content of her book, it is simply a response to the literal interpretation of that statement. Not only are oranges not the only fruit, they are not the only citrus fruit. Yet we may well ask why some folk prefer the kind that produce a more sharp, sour reaction. Make an allowance, today for whatever doesn’t seem so easy to like, it may have a hidden advantage. Uncertain? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5608.

SAGITTARIUS STAGE

Nov 23 — Dec 21 illusionists have a long tradition of enmity with mediums and astrologers. From the great Houdini to the legendary Penn and Teller, they revel in every chance to debunk the folk they assume to be charlatans. That is easy to understand. They know how easy it is to fake fabulous and mimic miraculous. They therefore doubt any aspect of the so-called supernatural could be real. Feel free to be cynical, today. The cosmos still intends to restore your faith in magic. Anxious? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5609.

CAPRICORN IF, AS they

Dec 22 — Jan 20 say, ‘the darkest hour is just before the dawn’, we should all be very careful before concluding that our lives may have been cast forever into the pitch dark of a hopeless situation. Perhaps we have simply arrived at a time when it is right to expect the Sun to rise up from somewhere, somehow. Are there not some processes in life that surpasseth all understanding? You may fear that you are reaching the end of your tether, but if you keep pulling, you may yet find it stretches as far as you need to go. Worried? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5610.

AQUARIUS I MUST

Jan 21 — Feb 19 apologise. I hoped to have a forecast for you today, but last night I took a call from … well … I am not at liberty to reveal their name. Let’s just say several world leaders will now be sleeping more easily as a result of the good advice I gave them. Now, thank you for accepting my explanation. If I say no more about your future, today, you’ll forgive me I’m sure. But you may want to be wary, today, of an excuse that somehow bolsters one person’s sense of importance while diminishing the value of another. Confused? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5611. PISCES SOME religions are

Feb 20 — Mar 20 monotheistic, others are polytheistic. Those who follow the former, tend to disapprove of those who follow the latter. Yet is it not generally accepted that a little healthy competition often spawns many an advantage? Where there are various deities that we can beseech for help, we need not live in such fear of offending some singular authority. Theological controversies aside, if you can’t get the help you feel you need from one source today, you may yet find there is an equally viable alternative. Uncertain? I’ve recorded a very special message for you. In four minutes, I’ll give you the key to your future. Call 0906 751 5612.