Out of the mouths of babes

During one summer, i was visiting my grandson in Brighton. He was three years old, and we decided to play races in the small family garden. ‘On your marks, get set, go!’ — and grandma always came second. After a while, we decided to have a rest, and as we sat side by side, i asked Stanley what was his secret of always winning. He cupped his hand to my ear and whispered: ‘Grandma, just run very fast!’ Mrs Rosalyn Jordan,

Barnstaple, Devon.

Jokes

When it comes to dietary advice, i can cope with ‘eat nothing fatty’, but i struggle with ‘eat nothing, fatty’.

Vincent Hefter, Richmond, Surrey.

One-line Philosophers

Selling Advent calendars has opened a lot of doors for me.

P. Turberville, Mansfield, Notts.

if You are poor at spelling, it helps if your handwriting is bad, too.

Mrs Valerie Ashton, London N14.

Wordywise

WELLORS — Lady Chatterley’s gran knew the victor at waterloo. Mark Wraith, Newark, Notts.

BOWER PLANT — dog rose. L. E. Auger, Swindon, Wilts.

GERRY AND THE PATEMAKERS — smooth rock Belgian band.

Ian Jopson, Cardiff. DAIJEELING — a welsh blend of tea.

Edward Millar, Cardiff.

This England

No Bargains here, then! Seen in the Hereford Times: ‘Christmas fete. Stalls and entertainment. Amazing BiG prices.’

G. James, Hereford.