THE THINGS HE SAYS...
ON SELF-REFLECTION: I can’t help but laugh at how perfect I am. ON TRIALS: Arsene Wenger gave me the famous red and white jersey — the No 9 shirt with Ibrahimovic on it — and I was so pleased I even posed for a picture wearing it. He never actually made me a serious offer, it was more, ‘I want to see how good you are, what kind of player you are. Have a trial.’ I couldn’t believe it. I was like, ‘No way, Zlatan doesn’t do auditions’. ON VERSATILITY: I can play in the 11 positions because a good player can play anywhere on the pitch. ON INJURY: An injured Zlatan is a pretty serious thing for any team. ON WHAT TO GET HIS PARTNER FOR HER BIRTHDAY: Nothing, she has Zlatan. ON BEING MARKED BY STEPHANE HENCHOZ: First I went left, he did too. Then I went right, and he did too. Then I went left again, and he went to buy a hot dog.
ON MOURINHO: Jose Mourinho is a big star. The first time he met my partner he said: ‘Helena, you have one mission. Feed Zlatan, let him sleep, keep him happy.’ That guy says whatever he wants. I like him. ON JOINING PSG: We’re looking for an apartment in Paris. If we don’t find anything, then I’ll probably just buy the hotel.
ON AWARDS: In my head I am the strongest of all. I certainly don’t need the Ballon d’Or to prove that I am No 1. ON HIS SPECTACULAR VOLLEY AGAINST ENGLAND IN 2012: You can’t coach brilliance like that. ON MARIO BALOTELLI’S ANTICS: I like fireworks too, but I set them off in gardens or kebab stands. I never set fire to my own house. ON HIS UNHAPPY SPELL AT BARCELONA: When you buy me, you are buying a Ferrari. If you drive a Ferrari you put premium petrol in the tank, you hit the motorway and you step on the gas. Guardiola filled up with diesel and took a spin in the countryside. He should have bought a Fiat.