THE LEGO MEN TOPPLE LOUIS
United humbled as Danes’ sub arrives to spread chaos
Chaos is a very underrated quality in football. a 6ft 7in, 21-year- old Nigerian called Paul onuachu came on for Midtjylland last night and brought it — and now Manchester United are in chaos, too.
This will go down as one of their greatest humiliations in Europe. Rotor Volgograd, olympiacos, Galatasaray, there have been a few. Not too many like this, though.
Midtjylland, for all their achievements in recent years, are in essence a bad scrabble hand of a team when compared to the aristocrats of European football. They are coming off a long mid-winter break — their last game was on December 10 — and are third in Denmark’s superliga.
They qualified for the Europa League’s last 32 having finished second in their group to Napoli, with a goal difference of minus six. Napoli beat them 9-1 on aggregate in their group matches, including a 4-1 win here.
so let’s get real. Midtjylland have some very good qualities, but even a much- reduced United team should have been able to handle them, certainly given the advantage of a lead after 37 minutes.
Instead, they return from the home of Lego — the headquarters is in Billund, 40 minutes away — to old Trafford on the verge of collapse. Not just behind, but rattled too. It is no foregone conclusion that United will retrieve this tie.
at first glance, the margin is tiny; a 1-0 win and they are through. Yet who would presume a clean sheet after this? Everything Midtjylland are good at finds United weak. They are strong from set-pieces, they are athletic and physically competitive in the box and in onuachu they have one of those random-factor players, a wildcard, all limbs and limbo shapes.
When United had men such as Nemanja Vidic, Rio Ferdinand and Roy Keane in their ranks they would have had him under control, but this team is fearful and uncertain. From the moment he came on, onuachu terrified them.
It was the 61st minute when he replaced Martin Pusic and the game changed. Until then, United had enjoyed the best of the second half, hitting the bar through Jesse Lingard, coming close with a Juan Mata header. at 1-1, it seemed a matter of time before they regained the lead. onuachu changed all that. his first involvement was an eye-watering aerial challenge with Chris smalling, which the United man won. his second produced the save of the game from stand-in goalkeeper sergio Romero.
The argentinian was a battlefield promotion after David de Gea suffered an ankle injury in the warm-up. United’s luck goes from bad to worse. The eve of the match was dominated by news that captain Wayne Rooney would be out for two months. Now this.
De Gea is not a long- term casualty, but how United needed him yesterday. Not that Romero played poorly, more that having a second string in goal would not have aided levels of confidence.
a cross from Kristoffer olsson — once at arsenal, although to little effect — instantly showcased onuachu’s danger. he was comfortably first to the ball and Romero was at full stretch to tip his header wide.
how to describe onuachu? he is one of those anarchic talents, like Paulo Wanchope — you know the type. he doesn’t know what he’s going to do, his team-mates don’t know what he’s going to do, so the opposition are in the dark, too.
If United pigeonholed him as a target man, he flummoxed them after 68 minutes, haring away from chasing defenders, long legs eating up the turf to set up a chance for Pione sisto. and then, in the 77th minute, the culmination of all that lovely muddle and tumult. somehow, onuachu scored.
he got the ball on the bounce on the edge of the area. he might have shot, he might have passed, he might have dribbled. Who knew what the hell he would do?
Instead, he brought the ball under control, just about, and tried a flick. The ball hit his standing leg. United should have cleared but confusion reigned.
Undaunted as defenders hesitated, onuachu recovered and shot, low and hard. It defeated Romero at his near post. Chaos had won. ‘a little bit unnecessary,’ was Van Gaal’s verdict on the goal. That is an understatement. It was horrible defending, nothing less. and horrible from United in so many ways. horrible passing, horrible finishing, horrible in the midfield, where Midtjylland were first to every loose ball.
Van Gaal cited injuries, and the blow of losing De Gea, but it is really no excuse. There was still a small fortune invested in this United team, even if it included Donald Love on his full debut, plus Paddy McNair and Lingard.
Midtjylland could buy the Danish league for the next decade with what United have spent on Mata, anthony Martial and Memphis Depay. Morgan schneiderlin cost £24million and has played 13 times for France. he was one of United’s substitutes.
Nor can it be claimed United were demotivated. Van Gaal stated at the weekend that winning the Europa League was their best chance of reaching the Champions League next season, and given the list of injuries, this was still as strong a team as he could have fielded. Yet United were never wholly comfortable. Even when they scored, it came 56 seconds after a far better opportunity for Midtjylland.
The see-saw minute began with a United set-piece that broke down. The ball was cleared upfield and, incredibly, Midtjylland were through on goal. To the mystification of all, Michael Carrick and Love had contrived to get in front of Vaclev Kadlec, Midtjylland’s highest presence. Kadlec ran, from his own half, with only Romero to beat. he even had a team-mate in support, if he wanted to square it for the tap-in. Instead, he panicked
and finished weakly, shooting straight at the goalkeeper — but the question remained: how could that happen in an ordered back line? While Van Gaal and his coaches pondered this bombshell, United scored.
LinGardcrossed from the right and depay at first looked to have stumbled at the vital moment, but instead recovered to prod the ball past goalkeeper Mikkel andersen, quick off his line, but not quick enough to smother.
and that is how it should have remained, United building on this good fortune to put the tie out of reach, or at least holding what they had. instead, they allowed Midtjylland back into the game. it was a poor pass from Carrick that put ander Herrera in trouble. He could not get the ball under control and Sisto — born in Uganda, but a denmark international — pounced. He ran right and unleashed a shot that defeated romero.
This team has spirit. United will need to be goals ahead before they can relax in the return.
Still, this is what happens when a side cannot beat Wolfsburg. They end up in cold, flat, grey corners of Jutland, playing a team that bases its strategies on statistics, analytics and terrifying set-pieces.
and chaos. That is what is on course for Old Trafford next week. Long balls, long throws and a long stick man of a player, all whirling arms, crazy legs and nasty surprises. The men from Legoland are coming, and United will be absolutely bricking it.