The dastardly Mr.Deedes
Spotted scurrying through a hotel lobby in California’s tech capital, San Jose: Marks and Spencer’s ex-boss Marc Bolland. Where was he off to in such a hurry? Dashing to a meeting with Apple, apparently. No doubt yet another cosy non-exec position awaits the Dutch-born man-about-town, 57, while he combines his dual passions of grouse shooting and vintage wines. For some reason, business leaders still consider him premier cru, despite being disappointingly vin ordinaire at M&S. Credit Suisse’s smooth-talking supremo Tidjane Thiam shrugs off the bank’s £340m first quarter losses announced yesterday, remarking in his nonchalant Gallic tones: ‘I think there are a lot of coincidences in life when people try to find causality.’ Such profundity. But perhaps £ 8m- a-year Monsieur Thiam, 53, who retains a penchant for pencil-sharp tailoring and private jets, feels entitled to be philosophical from time- to-time. While a government minister in his native Ivory Coast in 1999, he was briefly banged up during a military coup. Re Credit Suisse, the firm laid off 180 staff last week, mainly in its trading division. An axed female employee sobs: ‘We’re all furious. There’s a rumour going round that it’s the fault of two guys in Zurich racking up big trad- ing losses.’ Can this be true? ‘Zis is ze first we ‘ave ‘eard of zis,’ interjects Tidjane tersely. Portly former kebab shop worker-turned millionaire stock market punter Iraj Parvizi was acquitted this week of insider trading following a 12-week trial. Asked at one point by his well-spoken QC Orlando Pownall as to why one his contemporaries answered to the unflattering soubriquet ‘p***head,’ Iranian-born Iraj, 50, replied sheepishly: ‘Well, he has a bit of drink problem, sir.’ Cue schoolboy sniggering in court. The car industry employs even stupider job titles than the BBC, judging by the speakers at the Financial Times’s Future of the Car Summit today. What does Volvo’s ‘ Chief Futurologist’ Aric Dromi do for instance? Jaguar’s ‘Global Connected Car Director’ Mike Bell and ‘Global Product Strategy director’ James Towle sound suspiciously like drinking pals of the chairman. Heaven knows what BMW’s ‘Head of Design User Experience’ – fruity-sounding Holger Hampf – gets up to all day.