Parents who ‘don’t want breath of wind to ruff le kids’ faces’

Young are being over-protected, warns expert

WRAPPING youngsters in cotton wool threatens their chances of success in later life, a schools leader warned yesterday.

Over-protective parents who ‘don’t want a breath of wind to ruffle their children’s faces’ are failing to prepare them for the harsh realities of a career, Helen Fraser said.

Miss Fraser, chief executive of the Girls’ Day School Trust, said families must encourage girls to develop grit and resilience instead of protecting them from all risks, otherwise they would struggle to succeed in the competitive world of work.

Addressing an education conference at Wellington College in Crowthorne, Berkshire, she said: ‘There’s a feeling that children are so precious to their parents now and they really don’t want a breath of wind to ruffle their little faces. I know how they feel but actually that’s not going to build the child who’s going to toddle off on its own and find real independence and courage and grit.

‘One of the things schools have to do is to make them realise that wrapping them in cotton wool is not really going to protect them, and building strong resilient children is the best thing that they and the school can do together.’ Miss Fraser said members of the Trust, which represents 24 girls’ independent schools and two academies, have worked ‘enormously hard’ to develop resilience among its 20,000 pupils.

‘It’s become very important in these uncertain times we live in: volatile, uncertain, complex and ambiguous,’ she said. ‘ Because things that happen to young people when they leave education for the world of work are often simply not fair: companies merge, economies crash, strategies change and a young employee can find themselves, for no fault of their own, out on the street.’

Children ‘will be better if they stumble and fail and get up and stumble and fail and get up’, Miss Fraser insisted.

‘Whereas, to some extent, life in school is a bit like being on an escalator – as long as you’re reasonably diligent and reasonably intelligent you will get those GCSEs and Alevels and get to a good university – working life is not at all like that.

‘It’s much more like white-water rafting, so through those years of school we’ve got to do something to prepare them for a world that’s never, ever, ever going to be an undiminished series of successful steps because it never is for anyone.’

Building resilience is particularly important among girls with ‘a bent towards perfectionism’, she said. ‘A lot of girls only feel confident when they feel practically perfect in every way, like Mary Poppins. They want to be perfectly good at work, and have lots of A*s but they also want to be perfectly beautiful and have perfect friendships and be just perfect at sport and music.

‘Actually, those are impossible ambitions. Wishing for perfection just does not create happiness.’

Jane Lunnon, headmistress of Wimbledon High School, agreed that parents are much less inclined to allow children to face risks. She told how the mother of a 14-yearold was worried to discover she was the only parent not in constant touch with their child via Snapchat during a ten-day football tour.

Many parents also get too closely involved in their children’s university education, she said.