Cameron’s in the bin — so meet the new power puppets
SPARE a thought for the poor impressionist. Years of work spent perfecting the voices of David Cameron, George osborne, Nigel Farage: yesterday a valuable talent, today no use to anyone whatsoever. But that’s politics.
A couple of seismic months in Westminster have wiped out countless familiar characters, and replaced them with new faces.
Comedians Debra Stephenson and Jon Culshaw, who supply many of the voices for ITV’s satirical puppet show Newzoids, have been on a crash course to keep ahead . . . and so have the computer artists who make the cartoon mannequins using 3D printer technology.
The show returns a week tomorrow with 50 fresh puppets — not just politicians but sports figures such as England boss Sam Allardyce and TV personalities including Chris Evans.
Jon admits he has struggled to keep up with the torrid changes: ‘New people always come and go, but usually they drift along like sand dunes — this is more a whirlwind or a forest fire.’
The show was already being written and rehearsed when Tory MPs started voting for a new leader last month. Puppeteers hurried to build an Andrea Leadsom, who was suddenly a candidate for PM. But since her spectacular withdrawal from the race, the team are no longer sure if they’ll even use the figurine.
All that effort and artistry spent on creating a puppet, all the hours Debra devoted to polishing the Leadsom lilt, became pointless.
The same happened en masse for Labour, as a host of politicians few had ever heard of were appointed to the Shadow Cabinet — and, just as quickly, resigned. ‘A lot of puppets were melted down that week,’ says Jon.
When the series launched last year, it did feature Theresa May, but only in a brief supporting role. Now she’s in No 10 and Debra has had to revamp her impression.
‘ I didn’t look at her old speeches, just her most recent. Politicians change such a lot once they are in office,’ Debra says. ‘They are tutored on what to do with their hands; how to speak with a stately measured air.
‘There are echoes of Mrs Thatcher, of course, but I have been resisting the temptation to “Maggie her up” because that wouldn’t be accurate. Her voice is ultra-sensible, very strong.’
The U. S. elections are a source of endless mischief for Jon, too, who has been perfecting his Donald Trump.
The presidential hopeful’s voice shoots up at the end of every statement, as if he’s taken a gulp of helium. In Newzoids, his hairpiece is a sinister cat, inventing deranged policies that it whispers into The Donald’s ear.
NEWZOIDS does not aim for broad, slapstick comedy. The jokes are pointed and poisonous, more wasp sting than wrecking ball.
Cruelty is part and parcel of the method: both comedians agree the portrayal of Chris Evans is viciously funny. Expect red-headed tantrums, a colossal car crash and a return Top Gear appearance for a smug Jeremy Clarkson.
Another Jeremy also has a prominent role, of course.
‘The hook for Jeremy Corbyn’s voice is understated simmering petulance,’ says Jon. ‘He’s trying to keep his temper in, like a grumpy woodwork teacher who would speak at a low level but at any time could explode.’
The Newzoid Corbyn is living an Eighties period drama that exists only in his mind. When he rehearses a speech, he records it on a C90 cassette. And he refuses to admit he is in any way out of date.
The impressionists rarely meet the models: they record the scripts, before computer artists sync the puppets’ lips to the words. But on a visit to the set last week, Jon made a point of looking at the Corbyn puppet. ‘I had a go at using the sticks to work his arms. He was like a frail Basil Brush.’
For Debra, the most difficult voice was the one with the least to say. Princess Charlotte isn’t yet talking, at least on Newzoids, but she’s a partner in crime to big brother George. While the toddler Prince talks like a dirty-minded Del Boy, Charlotte is right behind him, gurgling her support.
In the business, wordless noises are known as ‘waller’. And baby waller, Debra found, put a strain on the voicebox.
After a day of squeaking and cooing, she felt ‘as if I’d been punched in the throat’.
So the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, it seems, are not the only people looking forward to Charlotte’s first real words — they will come as a relief to Debra, too.
Both comics have a favourite puppet — the North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, who is voiced by Simon Greenall as a pantomime despot. But in the wake of the olympics, another soft spot has emerged for the multi-gold medallist Mo Farah.
‘Because everybody adores him, his voice has a lovability and a cuteness,’ Jon says. ‘You could make him say anything and get away with it.’
And no doubt they will.
Newzoids, saturday september 3, ITV, 9.15pm.