The dastardly Mr Deedes

Stately Greenhill chairman Lord Lupton’s departure as Tory treasurer leaves Theresa May with an appointment to make. Previously the preserve of wealthy City types, it is said candidates are put off by the treatment of £750m ICAP boss Michael Spencer, 61, who suffered the indignity of having his peerage blocked. Whoever it is has ruffled feathers to smooth. I’m told chairman Lord Feldman, 50, irritated Eurosceptic donors at the party’s summer ball by telling them they should stump up extra cash to atone for Brexit. Workers at Swiss bank UBS are excited to have recently begun moving out of its Liverpool Street offices, which have for the past few years been infested with mice. Their split-new lodgings are in a futuristic, 12-storey tower situated just across the road. Some think a building occupied by bankers can never be entirely rodent-free, but that’s unkind. Sir Philip Green, roosting aboard his £100m yacht while the BHS pension saga remains unresolved, is mocked by reality TV star Sharon Osbourne. ‘Ozzy and I used to say that he’s going to come unstuck. There are elephant tusks on this boat and a f****** hoof for a doorstop.’ Green’s reputation has suffered numerous indignities of late. Being upbraided for poor taste by the less- than-refined Osbournes surely constitutes a new low. Former Treasury Minister Ed Balls’ memoirs recount that during the 2008 Northern Rock crisis he contacted Gordon Brown via the Downing Street switchboard, to get him to reassure savers their money was secure. As the Prime Minister’s trusted consigliere, it seems odd Balls didn’t have the PM’s mobile number. It is possible, of course, Brown was ‘between’ phones. It is said the combustible ex-PM broke three handsets in one week after hurling them against the wall. Aspiring city lawyer Amani-Cane Elouazani has embarked upon a novel way of funding her tuition. She has launched her own lingerie firm, selling saucy satin undergarments at £12 a pop. Dainty brunette AmaniCane, 19, seeking an internship with Slaughter and May, says: ‘I don’t think it’s anything to be embarrassed about. If they ask, hopefully it will portray my dedication and drive to work.’ Who says the young lack enterprise?